Your child could die! To wives who allow husbands to abuse their children and believe God wants them to stand by their man…

BULLY - Copy

In this life there are little boy bullies in big men bodies.

Mean and cruel.

They hurt their families and justify their actions. They let their anger rip and then they say sorry.

And the wife stands by her man.

Believing God wants her to.

Believing he will change.

Believing lies!

Abusive, angry men, unless they truly surrender their hurting, hardened hearts to Jesus which rarely happens, never change.

They keep on hurting those weaker and smaller than they are. They take out their own inner pain on defenseless women and children rendering blows that break spirits.

And blows that can kill.

Maybe when they were little their daddy or step-daddy beat up on them, or cursed at them heinously, or told them lies about themselves that cut tender spirits turning them savage. Or maybe their daddy sexually abused them. And the hate and anger in their heart comes out all lethal and loveless.

And that little boy broken who grew up to be a bully has hurts that no doubt run a mile wide. But his sins run wider. Yet he runs away from the only One who could ever heal him.

And everything in life is a choice.

We choose to love.

We choose to hate.

We choose to break cycles of violence.

We choose to perpetuate cycles of violence.

And the wickedness continues to the next generation and the next for those abused often become abusers themselves. Or they marry abusers.

ANGRY MAN

Angry men who had issues with their own fathers, or mothers, are allowed to hurt children and teenagers because they can.

The women that they married are as broken inside as they are. As needy for someone to love them as the next broken heart. And in her neediness, fear, ignorance, and in her choice…she stays.

And stands by as her husband physically harms her son or daughter. Making her guilty, too.

And those precious babies that grew in her womb and were fed at her breast, the ones she says she loves with all her heart forever, are abandoned to the monster living in the house.

Year after year. Decade upon decade. Marking anniversaries that are a sham overshadowed by anger, violence and unrepentant sin. And she prays and quotes scripture, and screams and cries and threatens. One day she hates him. The next day she tells herself and anyone who will listen that he is the best husband and dad in the world. And the dysfunctional, co-dependent cycle continues.

Even abusers can sometimes do, say or buy nice things for their families and behave appropriately.

But mostly they steal from their families joy and peace. robbing children and teenagers of the security and stability of growing up loved.

And some abusive men even claim to love God in one breath, and then in the next spew evil words of death to their children or wife demanding that everything go their way.

The craziness perpetuates and wives justify their husband’s actions, refusing to acknowledge the truth.

Abusers are fearful, little men who wreck big havoc on their families.

They throw their weight around and throw punches that one day might kill a child. Or a wife. They kick and scream and through temper tantrums like the hurting, sinful two year old they are inside. Kicking wives, children and maybe even the dog, rendering internal injuries that one day may prove fatal.

Fatal!

Narcissistic, they only love themselves for shame and pity’s sake, having no real idea that God loves them very much while hating their terrible deeds.

And a wife who stands by her man as he destroys the souls and bodies of herself or her babies, whether they are newborn or 18, is unwise and mislead about her role of following her husband.

God will NEVER call a wife to submit to torment and terror. God NEVER says it is okay for a man to beat or abuse a woman or children. 

NEVER!

Please wake up, Wife.

This man that you married for better or worse is not a godly husband or dad.

He may wear a mask in public and at church, he may even go forward for altar calls all teary eyed, but the changes are never lasting. He may be kind to neighbors and friends who believe he is a great man but behind closed doors — watch out!! Nothing EVER gives a man the right to physically or verbally harm his family.

Dear wife my heart cries out to your heart — all hurting, fearful, and angry inside — You claim to love your kids with all your heart. And I know you do, but the love got twisted long ago and you are allowing abuse.

Parents are called to protect, nurture and guide their children to successful adulthood. And there is NEVER an excuse for an angry man to ever lay a finger on a woman or child unless life is at stake.

But the only life that is at stake is the life of the one abused.

GRAVESTONE

Do you really want to attend your child’s funeral someday, Wife?

Try to imagine for moment how you will feel the day they lower your son or daughter’s coffin six feet under and you realize you had the power to prevent their untimely death. And no amount of tears will ever bring them back to you.

If you truly love God and your babies, then leave. Today.

Get out and get help before it is too late.

And in your leaving — not going for counseling again or asking the pastors to pray again — you just might shake your spouse awake so he can see how evil and broken and small and hard he is inside.

And you will save the lives of those you love.

Reality is that you live with a ticking time bomb.

He doesn’t respect you, but exploits you.

He doesn’t love you, but uses you.

He’s not proud of how lovely you truly are, but flaunts you to boost his own fragile ego.

And you let him.

But God.

DAD SON

God truly loves you and your children so let Him be your Maker who is your Husband and the Father of the fatherless. God will never leave you, He will make the way, He will provide and protect you and your babies if you will only let Him be the One that you cling to.

Please open your eyes to the hideousness at home and be warned that more than four children DIE EVERYDAY in the United States as a result of abuse.

Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy.

As many as two-thirds of adults in treatment for drug abuse report having been abused as children.

LEAVE the abuser that you live with and let God deal with him.

Or would you rather wait until your child dies at the hands of a man who is no man at all?

Pick up the phone, Wife, and make a call to change your life for the better.

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

For adult survivors of childhood abuse these resources can help.

And here’s an article When Fathers Kill Their Kids

Other information can be found at ChildHelp.org

May God our good Father bless you and keep you and give you grace and courage to leave. Now.

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

~sheila

Photo credits:
Bully
Angry man
Gravestone
Dad and son

 

Words to heal any mother’s heart this Mother’s Day: We did do good! And an empty nest refills…

BOYS And MOM

I cannot tell you how much I owe to the solemn word of my good mother.
Charles Spurgeon

From the moment we discover new life living inside our wombs we have no idea how having babies and raising them and watching them grow into young adults will stretch us.

How motherhood will squeeze our hearts with love oozing out all over and so much joy.

Or sometimes how pain like a knife will stab hot with so many tears flowing.

And all along this glorious way we can doubt ourselves, or blame ourselves when things go wrong with our kids, when they get in trouble or get their hearts hurt.

Feeling like a little girl lost trying to figure out a mighty and holy undertaking for which we are often inadequately prepared.

And how we worry all through the years!

Did we do anything right?

But God.

Him always, always holding us through the ups and downs and days at the soccer field and nights cradling little ones feverish and us trying to get it all done. Running, running, running and huffing in the hectic yet always with time for hugging.

And needing to be still and just breathe.

Breathe in the Holy Spirit, breathing in peace. And our Perfect Father picking up the broken pieces and growing us up as we watched them grow.

And in moments unexpected pulling us close to Him with whispers of love straight from the Father’s heart.

MY LITTLE BOYS

Driving recently with my second oldest son the conversation turned to when he and his two brothers were very little and I was raising them as a single mom.

Times were tough.

My heart was shattered.

I was attempting to get my life right with God and stumbling along the path.

And so many times lying awake late into the night recounting what I had done wrong that day and chastising myself to do the mothering thing better. To do the daughter of God thing better. Wondering if my mistakes were ruining my kids.

Have you ever felt that way?

Yet all the while He was leading me — just like He is going before you — as I was trying to lead them. His grace, and tender loving care overwhelmingly good and filling in all my cracks.

Him the head of our household down one, holding us together through all the years of good and bad and everything in-between.

And after coming through some rough patches, I bless and thank God that my three sons are all okay. Finding their way and figuring life out one day at a time, tucked in Father’s hands.

BEN KIMMI ME

And then Ben’s words to me in the car that day.

You did a great job with us, Mom, you really did. We all turned out good because of you and the sacrifices you made. You spent so much time with us even giving up your career to raise us and be at home. And even though you have no 401K or retirement savings now you did the right thing. You made the best choice by devoting yourself to me and my brothers instead of a job.

Wow! Am I rich!

Speechless for a while, taking in the magnitude of his words, I silently thanked my God who had walked with me through all of it and my heart humming with sweet confirmation.

And there is therefore now no condemnation and my son’s words like a loving pat on the back from Father to daughter and Him smiling down on us.

And me so very humbled and tears brimming.

And your kids probably thinking the same thing about you, Mom. So rest, my friend, we all do the best we can.

BOYS 5-6-14

DINNER

And Mother’s Day is any day and we celebrated last night at Longings End with not one, nor two, but all three of my sons, and my beautiful daughter-in-love, and all of us sharing a meal — living, laughing and loving together.

The empty nest filled, but differently now.

CHESS KINGS

With Son #2, who returned in December, trying valiantly each time he visits for dinner to close the gap of his loses to the Chess King’s wins.

Dan 1

And my baby boy stepping off the train a week ago after a red-eye brought him east and me just holding him.

Just holding.

And finally the first born and his bride the last to relocate back to New York getting here yesterday and staying with us while they search for an apartment before grad school begins.

MOVING 1

MOVING 2

SOFA

My heart and home filling and overflowing.

And after the last two and a half years of adjusting to all the empty and grown children far from home establishing their own lives, we are back together again at least for a season.

Empty nest tears all dried. Heart stronger for having traveled through it. Hands more open to the changes that life and time bring.

Lessons in loving and letting go learned and learning still.

And thankful for such a loving husband who held me through it all.

Like the day my second oldest left for Hawaii — enroute to Salt Lake City several months later — with just the clothes on his back, a tree hammock, a little bit of money and no cell phone. And God gently teaching trust.

Me reduced to a crying mess who called into work and drowned my sorrows in an extra bowlful of gravy at the diner my Michael dubbed The Farewell Cafe, a place of refuge and comfort food following each son’s leaving.

Then my oldest and his wife next to travel west and my mother’s heart bid them a tearful goodbye. And then my baby boy, at 19, leaving since his brother-best friends were in Utah and he wanting to join them.

And I ran on empty some days.

Mother’s heart aching with longing.

HALLWAY PICS

And long ago wisps of them everywhere I looked in our home from pb&j fingerprints on glass doors to socked feet sliding down long hardwood hallways to tea parties in a snugly warm kitchen on snow days complete with chocolate chip pancakes and at the end of all the busy every 24 hours tucking in sleepyheads with prayers, stories and always Goodnight Moon.

Then my sweet Michael driving us 2,200 miles with sinuses completely blocked before surgery so I could see them for a birthday to long remember and ribbons of love and so much grace knitting all our hearts close even though many miles separated us.

And other mothers who had gone before me soothing: We let our chicks fly but they come back eventually, you’ll see.

But some of those empty nest days — and especially the nights sleepless — were hard and I wondered if I would ever adjust.

God’s grace is abundant and we hold His hand one day at a time in each new chapter of life as He leads us into what He has next for us.

Filling us in new ways very fulfilling even as our mother’s hearts linger on all the little things long remembered.

FIRST GRADE PAPER

Tiny treasures locked forever in hearts grateful.

But the deceiver always wanting to steal every good gift. And lies leading us astray focusing on what we may have done wrong.

God’s amazing grace and love covering over the multitude of mommy messes.

And if we listen very closely we will hear Him whispering words of love and comfort regarding our calling as mothers.

We did do a lot right.

As right as we could at the time and children so forgiving as we humble ourselves before them, asking forgiveness. Being the best examples of love that we can be as we journey forward learning to love better all the time.

Lessons in the moments.

And Him continuing to heal our hearts one day at a time.

Life of Child

Setting us free from a mother load of guilt so there’s room in our hearts enlarging to welcome new daughters or sons, gold bands binding them to our children’s hearts and them into our hearts as if they themselves had grown under our hearts long ago.

Then some day in God’s good timing, God willing, the pitter-patter of little feet, and tiny sticky fingerprints and finger painting on the deck in sun warming and splashing in puddles and splashing in bathtubs and cookies baking.

And chubby little arms once again wrapping themselves around a mother’s heart that never grows old…

~sheila
All our longings end in love

Linking with Holly at holleygerth.com and these lovely blogs at the end of this page.

Trying to raise godly children when mom is all broken…

SIngle mom and sons

I did so much wrong that sometimes I have a hard time accepting I did a lot right.

Yet my sons now grown gracious and forgiving readily tell me what a great mom I have always been.

But when they were tiny treasures in earthen vessels entrusted to my care they got broken because I was broken. And God had to raise the hurting little girl in me as I was single-mom-raising three little boys.

He had the harder job!

Before my former spouse left — helped out the door by my disrespectful, loveless, hot tempered and controlling ways – we looked like a picture perfect Sunday morning church family, masks worn well, filing in and out, knowing all the right things to say or not say while in the company of the body.

What I didn’t rightly know then was how deep and wide and high is the love of Christ for me. Or how my life is to be a living example of God’s love for others.

Without knowing this perfect love by heart, fear and trembling took control, guided by perfectionism and her cousin legalism.

And raising godly children revolved more around rules than teaching them how to deepen a relationship with the One who loves them best…

Please click over to Womanhood with Purpose
where I am a contributing writer for the rest of this post.
And it would be a blessing if you left a comment
or shared the post. Thanks.

~sheila

 

Why we need to choose one another…

SNOWY IC

SNOWY ICICLES 2

It is in the family that we see how we fare in intimacy. If we fail here it is foolish for us to claim that we do better loving the Church as a whole. Choose each other in the deepest reaches of your will. Natural affection is too fleeting in the face of trials.
~Michael Kimball from his essay, Families

Jesus was betrayed by a kiss from one of his “family.”

And our deepest wounds come from those who are closest to our hearts.

Because love is messy. Love is hard.

And love — or what is passed off as love — can hurt greatly.

Marriages end and families fracture and at the end of the day the only one smiling is the one who hates to see us joyful and blessed.

Yet Love never ends.

And we are to be learning ever so much more how to love each other better, picking ourselves up and dusting our dusty selves off each time we fail.

Saying we are sorry. And going in the opposite direction. Not apart from each other but always towards Him together.

Never giving up and never giving in to the sin the crouches at our door including the feeling that we are love failures incapable of learning and doing things differently.

But we can come to the end of our wits as we wrangle with our brooding thoughts and with each other within the boundaries of our marriages or earthly families.

Harsh words sound. Phone calls abruptly end. Doors slam. Feet stomp. Hearts grow distant. Ulcers burn. Headaches throb. Misunderstandings abound. A wife runs up large credit card bills. A husband seeks the comfort of a woman not his own. And parents turn their children away.

Tears flood everywhere and bonds tear apart.

Everyone gets hurt, even those seemingly not directly involved for the flapping wings of a butterfly here can create significant impact there. And peace on earth is only possible if it begins with me and you.

And much will be lost that can never be regained.

Never regained yet the regrets will last a lifetime.

And from the smallness of our souls love and marriages and families are destroyed big time.

We must choose and keep choosing to love one another. To gather our hearts close together. To keep practicing 1 Corinthians 13 love.

SHORTBREAD HEARTS

This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience—it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance.

Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.

Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

~sheila
All our longings end in love.

 If your woman’s heart needs to talk one-on-one with a woman who has experienced and survived no small amount of pain and darkness, you may want to consider C2: Comfort and Conversation.

And if your heart is breaking? Or someone you know is hurting?
Purchase your copy of Heart Cry today by clicking here.

Heart Cry by Sheila Kimball

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How strife separates and control strangles relationships…

SNOWY PILE 2

SNOWY PILE

Love covers over a multitude of scarlet making it white as snow.

And if our love be true to God then our love will cover over the sins we see — or think we see — in others.

But an enemy eager stirs strife into a swirling fury when our anger and fear blind us from the truth.

He seeks to devour our souls and break up relationships, dividing one from the other and diluting the bonds of unity.

And we can be deceived by him to do his dirty work, aiding and abetting the enemy with our actions and words.

Sometimes we’ll even spout bible verses as we do, proclaiming from the rooftops how great is our God.

Do you think all God wants are sacrifices—
    empty rituals just for show?
He wants you to listen to him!
Plain listening is the thing,
    not staging a lavish religious production.
1 Samuel 15:23 The Message

But do we know the God of love and forgiveness like we say? Or do our own sins spin us further into the devil’s loveless lair?

We’ll swear to the contrary, groping blindly like a beggar, pride puffing our eyes shut to truth that sets us free.

And love and hurt twist together like strange bedfellows, with lies and denial crawling under the covers, and blame and shame in a shouting match, and guilt hanging heavy with unforgiveness ugly.

We can’t lie it down in peace because we are in too many pieces.

Accept life with humility and patience, generously making allowances for each other because you love each other. Make it your aim to be at one in the Spirit, and you will be bound together in peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3 J.B. Phillips

But love is not love and certainly no gift when our hurt and fear present as angry control and all comes undone and us helpless to hold it together try as we might, though not by the Spirit, and we further push away the love we so desperately want and need.

But God.

SNOW TREE

He loves us freely, even in our repetitive, dysfunctional sinfulness. He loves us with an open hand while holding us tightly within His heart.

And He loves us so much He is not afraid to let us go if that is what we need.

Our wise Father God teaches us to love like this. Whether a spouse, child or friend, we speak truth in love and let them go to make their own life choices and find their way.

Just like we made our choices when we were lost and no one could tell us anything about anything.

We learned the hard way and our trembling love remembering what we lost by our bad choices strives hard to prevent those we love from falling into the traps which swallowed us alive. And when our attempts to control another are unsuccessful, we may resort to punishment.

But is this really the way God loves us?

When our fears are big our God is small. We begin to believe that we are boss of the world, that we can make others listen to our demands and do exactly as we say. And if they refuse, as they have the free will right to do, we get even angrier and more frustrated.

And it’s exhausting holding the world on our shoulders.

God help the person who tries to speak truth to us when we are hell-bent that our way is the only way. We won’t listen and the judgements we render against another make us guilty, too. But it’s so hard to see this because fear whirls us in a frenzy frightful.

We don’t have the power to change another.

We can barely change our own lives if not for the grace of God.

But satan’s power is at work in us as we seek desperately to control at all costs even if it costs the end of a valued relationship.

STUCK

If we stop focusing on the other long enough to look deeply within where our darkness festers we will see that without God truly as our Lord we will forever be stuck.

Our sins will continue to pile up and we will get dizzy circling in cycles sickening. Trapped until we repent of our sins not theirs.

For if we humble before our Father and admit we know very little then we will begin to learn.

Love.

True and real the way God loves us, with lessons lifelong.

But twisted love puts a strangle hold around the neck of our dearest relationships, squeezing the life out of them. And then we cry and wonder when people erect boundaries to protect their hearts from our bad behaviors.

We are all sinners.

We all need God.

We all need Love.

The Cross leveled the playing field.

And God has given us and others the opportunity to choose as we see fit and reap the consequences thereof. And as He lets us, we must let them.

If we are to live the lives He calls us to we must learn to let go.

And settle our own hearts secure in Him. And live like Him as best we can.

Loving and letting go without the judgement we wear as blinders. And then the light of Christ will shine bright in us and we will see situations clearly.

And the strife that seems to be everywhere in our lives will start to fade.

And fear’s fingers far reaching will stop screeching accusations across the blackboard and the mouth controlled by a fear-filled heart won’t be like a ouija board planchette.

Finger pointing at us and plancette is French for little plank.

Only the plank in our own eye is big and we can’t get rid of it until we stop focusing on the speck in another’s life.

We are the enemy’s puppet when we refuse God’s help to remove our planks stubbornly set.

So very sad…

~sheila
All our longings end in love.

If your woman’s heart needs to talk one-on-one with a woman who has experienced and survived no small amount of pain and darkness, you may want to consider C2: Comfort and Conversation.

And if your heart is breaking? Or someone you know is hurting?
Purchase your copy of Heart Cry today by clicking here.

Heart Cry by Sheila Kimball

Please share this post.

MKS Headshot POSTAGE STAMP  If you would like to receive new posts as we publish them, SUBSCRIBE now  and receive FREE our eBook, BREAKOUT Manifesto…When you’re ready to break free of brokenness.
Please LIKE our Facebook page. Or FOLLOW us on Twitter.

Linking with some of the lovely blogs at the bottom of this page