You will never change your spouse. No matter how many ways you try it will be futile bringing frustration and harm to your marriage.
For only God can change a heart and only changed hearts change a marriage.
Think how much energy is wasted as you fret over something your spouse is doing. How many fights have ignited as you either quietly try to help or perhaps loudly force your will through threats and intimidation. Yet the issue remains and your approach to it is pushing you and your spouse apart.
So here’s a remedy — Release and let go.
Let go and let God handle your spouse. And then purpose to the best of your ability to forget about it. Focus on Father instead and what He wants to do in your heart. Spend more time with Him. Ask Him what you need to change. Take joy that Dad desires your company and delights when you do the right thing that over time, with practice, makes you so much more like Him.
But the letting go will not be easy until you first realize and repent of your own wrong.
As you seek to change your spouse you function as a controller. Control is based in fear. Fear is a lack of faith in a God who is in control of everything. You fear because you are not yet perfected in love and as you try to manipulate outcomes to make things work in the way you think best, you play God, a form of idolatry or elevating self over the sovereign Lord
Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5
He gently calls His girls and guys to his heart, loves them so much that they realize they are accepted right where they are at present in the life long process of change, healing and maturity. And in that assurance that you are loved and valued, never to be abandoned, you become free to let go. You are here to love and serve God and your neighbor. To become a true daughter disciple of Father, a sincere son of the Most High.
So open your tightly clenched fists and exhale deeply.
You are precious to God. So is your mate. Each of you is on an individual journey and each of you bear a degree of fragile-ness, some more than others, and often there is denial to deal with. And until God’s light penetrates a person’s own darkness, words cloud the situation, prolonging a person from finding their way.
You are called to freedom, but you are not free as you try to control your spouse.
And frankly, if you had the power to control your spouse and change him or her into your version of the perfect mate you would miss all God’s intended blessings and lessons that come through struggle, through taking courage and trusting God with outcomes.
So release. Let Go. Let God.
And repeat, for as long as you both shall live…
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