Your negativity and fear is killing your happy marriage…


Have you ever considered that the way you think, feel and speak may be draining the life from your marriage?

Perhaps not because you persist in a destructive cycle, refusing to acknowledge the damage you inflict on your spouse with nearly every word you utter, choices you make and fear-filled control that you exert to the very detriment of your mate’s life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. And to your’s, too, for if you are honest with yourself, how happy are you, really?

However, there is hope for you to change if you want to. And therein lies the pivotal question for you to ponder as you think about your life, your marriage, and the future.

Do you want to change?

  • And let go of the past that keeps you bound, staying stuck in your own brand of misery?
  • Continue going round in cycles getting nowhere, repeating the mistakes of your past or unhealthy ways of relating that you learned as a child from parents whose habits, shortcomings, and pain adversely impacted you?
  • Or will you choose to live your life differently, beginning even now as you read these words, and reap the amazing, abundant gifts that God has for you and your marriage?

Please know that God is on your side in all of this.

He is not condemning you for your negativity and fear, or unforgiveness towards those who hurt you in your past. He will not punish you. Rather He is encouraging you to step out of your self-imposed darkness, stop hurting others, and come into the light where you will find love and healing for your wounded soul as you recognize, possibly for the first time, your incredible worth and beauty in God’s eyes.


You are amazingly made and wonderful.

Endowed with certain gifts and talents with which to fulfill your purpose and give back to humanity, making your corner of the world a better, safer, more loving place. Yet it begins with you and then your nearest neighbor, which for married folk is that man or women you have vowed your life to.

You promised to love and comfort him, honor and keep her, and forsaking all others, remain faithful to him all your days.

You vowed to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health so long as you both shall live.

And your marriage was designed as a gift,
not a jail sentence, yet your negativity holds your spouse prisoner!

In the beginning, when the stars in your eyes were shining brilliantly they obliterated the flaws of humanity in your dearly beloved, making  it easier to dream, hope, trust, be positive, have faith in him or her and the marriage.

But then life started bearing down hard with too many demands — both external and self-imposed expectations. And your frustrations, unfulfilled dreams, stress, physical exhaustion, left little time for nourishing your marriage, draining it of joy. Maybe then your old companion Negativity — first cousin to fear whose twin is control — reared up ugly, lashing out at length with heated diatribes against the one person in all the world who loves you most of all, and the person you promised to love.


And this is love…

Love is patient and kind. It looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive, neither anxious to impress nor cherishing inflated ideas of its own importance.

Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. Love shares the joy of those who live by the truth.

Love never fails.

Yet perhaps you cannot love because
you do not realize how much you are loved.

I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.
Again I will build you and you will be rebuilt…
Jeremiah 31:3-4

Are you willing to drop the hard shield
you have erected around your heart because of all your hurts?

  • Will you choose to begin retraining your brain to think hope-filled positive thoughts that you can learn to believe and thereby alter your behaviors?
  • Can you reach out of your darkness and humbly share the truth about your struggles?
  • Will you ask for help before it is too late?


For if you refuse, then you will continue down a dark road that can kill your marriage and strangle your spouse’s very soul, not to mention your children, grandchildren, and others watching you.

Take courage and find hope as you turn towards all that is love and light and life…

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