So you’ve lost that loving feeling for the man you married? Feel like you have no love left for your wife?
That’s a dismal, uncomfortable place to live especially when marriage has been created as the sweetest of companionships to assuage the loneliness that is part of being human. Marriage is a gift, your gift, but that doesn’t mean that every day will be filled with blessed moments. There will be times of trouble, both within and without. There will be monotony, for isn’t routine a part of all our lives? There can even be boredom when we so choose it.
And there is a common misperception that if we don’t feel the love for our man or woman, the marriage must be nearing the end of its life span. Lies! It is merely going deeper, calling you to a greater degree of personal maturity and a willingness to love your mate when you feel like you don’t. Or don’t want to?
Love is a choice. Always a choice. And we choose to love, or to not love, by an act of our free will. And where your treasure is there your heart will be also. Is your heart centered on serving God? Or is your heart determined to be served? If the latter you will no doubt encounter trouble on the journey of marriage. Selfishness, which walks hand in hand with pride, will trip us up time and again.
But getting back to those feelings which scream I don’t love him anymore. I wish I never married her. I will just resign myself to a loveless wedded life. First, stop listening! And as Nelson Mandela was fond of saying, remember that you are the captain of your own soul. God has gifted us with the precious and often perilous gift of free will. We get to choose, hundreds of times a day, what we will think, say, and do. And our thinking directs our feelings, and our feelings seem so real that we can talk ourselves into or out of just about anything. Read the work of Dr. Caroline Leaf for a hearty dose of scientific proof of God’s word…we are what we think in our hearts.
But you are sad over the current loveless-feeling atmosphere in your marriage and I am sorry. Barring any major issues in your relationship that would require marriage mentoring or counseling, here are 10 tips to help you regain that loving feeling and, more importantly, build a true and lasting love for a lifetime.
1. Forget your feelings. Stop focusing on yourself and the apparent lack in your marriage. Choose to be the one that will do something positive.
2. Make a list of all the things you love about your mate from the color of her eyes to the sound of his voice, the way he makes your first cup of coffee in the morning to how she cooks your favorite casserole, and how hard you both work to make a life together, both inside and outside of the home.
3. Choose to practice love. Give love more than expecting to receive love. Follow the time worn principles in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Find other scripture verses that apply to marriage and start living them. There are multiple applicable passages in the bible. Search for them.
4. Go out of your way to bless your mate, no strings attached. Do the sweet little somethings you did in the beginning which helped bring you closer. Surprise her by asking to talk. Enchant him in the bedroom.
5. Recall the memorable moments of your relationship. Go through the old photos or make an online album to share together. Redo some of your favorite dates. Celebrate the moments that are special and the moments that are ordinary as well as the big anniversaries. Celebrate nothing at all other than you are together, helping each other through the ups and downs of life. Ecclesiastes 4:12
6. Shake yourself awake and purpose to get out of your marital rut. Do something new as a couple. Take a day trip that won’t break the bank.
7. Kiss. And kiss some more. Long, lingering, lover kisses, not just a peck on the cheek as you both head out the door to work. Remember that you are partners first then parents or career chasers. And in order to be the best lovers, love the Best.
8. Choose to fall in love all over again, or maybe for the first time, with the God who loves you like crazy and will never abandon you. He is waiting for your heart to find its home in Him. And while God is very patient and kind, he is jealous for time and intimacy with you. Grow your personal relationship with God and grow or begin a couple relationship with the Author of marriage. Father knows best what is truly going on in your heart and in your spouse’s. He wants your marriage to be a blessing. His grace will help you over the dry, rough patches.
9. Pray for your spouse. Not that they will change to make your life easier, but ask God to bless them in the deepest places of their souls that may be empty, hurting, tortured. Ask God to protect, provide and draw them closer to His heart. Pray all kinds of good things for this one dear soul to whom you’ve pledged your life.
10. Count your blesses every day, choose to look up instead of down, reframe your thinking about your marriage by thinking positive, excellent thoughts instead of ruminating on the lack luster current appearance of things.
Your mate is not the enemy, but there is an enemy hell-bent on destroying marriages, family relationships, love, peace and joy.
Fight as one devoted to conquering the foe and watch the love return, renewed…
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