3 tips to change your marriage when your spouse acts like a little stinker…


All you want to do is sweep him — or her — out the front door for a few hours. Or maybe in a moment of utter frustration you’re thinking, like, forever?

But you aren’t seeing his heart.

All you’re seeing is his moodiness and grumpiness and you think he should just grow up. Well, let me remind you, as I need to remind me, too — what we see in our spouse and don’t like is most likely in us in some form or another. Two as one equals both sides of the same coin.


We need to first gaze into the mirror on the wall and not be surprised when it reflects back to us our own ugliness!

Now, getting back to hubby for a moment. Maybe he’s experiencing God’s growing pains as Father lovingly takes him through his paces so that he might learn to walk more rightly in word and thought and deed. And God will use whatever it takes to humble a man be it failure, loss or some form of infirmity.


But today you’re running hot and running from God and if you don’t  just go for a run and break a sweat you’ll break his heart with words that bubble inside your own heart that needs more tweaking. Or maybe those words have already spilled over? So you hit the ground hard and before too long your heart pounding starts beating with Father’s and His Spirit helps your heart soften as He gently reminds you of three things.

1. Remove the plank from your own eye, my dearest daughter, before seeing the speck in my son’s eye.

2. Remember that you are your husband’s helper and you can’t help him well if you allow your bad attitude or his sour disposition to precipitate your wrong reaction.

3. Reconsider the command to care for the suffering as I do.


But the command care for the suffering strikes much closer to home. There are suffering men and women close beside us. They may be suffering from inner demons and invisible miseries as much as from hunger and poverty. Perhaps the deepest pains are caused by the agonizing ache of loneliness, discouragement and despair…We are not commanded to rank human need. We are commanded to care for the suffering. All suffering, all pain, all grief, all inner turmoil, all loneliness are the mission fields of our obedience.
Michael Phillips, The Commands of Jesus

A book I cannot recommend highly enough — and you can order your copy of The Commands of Jesus HERE — for purifying your walk with God and by extension, helping you become the change you want to see in your marriage, making it better one day at a time.


So before you speak or act or sweep your dear spouse out the door, REMEMBER:

  • Claim the heart and mind of Christ and view your husband with new eyes, both kind and courageous and others-first oriented. Your eyes are renewed only as you look long and hard at God who will show your stuff before picking out your spouse’s weaknesses! So take an inventory of your sins and pray Psalm 51. {I like The Message version for this psalm and BibleGateway.com is my go to place when I need to find scripture in a hurry especially in a translation I may not have on the shelf. If you haven’t already, check out Bible Gateway today.}
  • Help your husband by keeping your mind and heart resting in Christ. Your mood and your obedience to God’s word profoundly affect your marriage in good and bad ways. A wife is the heart of the home and a heart is only at peace when it finds its rest in Father.
  • Understand that no one except The One knows exactly how a heart feels. You see the outward expressions of a man who may at times exasperate you {like you do him!} but you really cannot fathom what he is suffering inside. Ask God for grace to walk a few feet in your husband’s moccasins with empathy and compassion and an open heart that desires to serve instead of criticize or condemn.


And when your best attempts at being a good wife don’t succeed, repent, get up and try again. God is not the harsh task master who rejects or abandons us when we fail the lesson.

He just turns up the heat and sends us to summer school…

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