Not just going through the motions. Or living what I learned in church-prescribed ways. But giving Him all of me. Abandoned to the One who never lets me go.
A truly, really, forever journey of following
With falling down sometimes. And doubts. Fears. Maybe even anger.
Yet a determination to keep going with Him, the truest Love I have ever known. Him who is joy and peace and hope.
So different from the love of broken men. Broken marriages and relationships.
And that is what a broken woman attracts. I know what it feels like to love a man who treats you brutally. And yet keep hoping. Continue thinking the best. Believing it will work out eventually.
But it NEVER does.
Choosing a bad man, relaxing protective boundaries, will always invite pain. And more heartbreak. Round two. Or three or four. Or however many times the cycle needs repeating.
Until the Light starts to shine in darkened places deep within the heart that longs only to be loved.
He broke my cycle.
But there was and is only one way. By giving my heart to the One. Following His Way.
And He can break your broken cycles, too.
When I realized my worth in God’s eyes as a child loved for all eternity AND understood that there were broken things in me that God wanted to heal.
Then I started to become. And in this becoming am becoming the woman of HIS dreams. And it is a becoming that will continue until He comes again.
And in my healing and growing up and changing by grace — an ongoing process for all the days of my earthly life and maybe even in eternity — I came to a place of greater love than I have ever known.
In a marriage so unlike those in my past. Sweet and precious gift even in the hardscrabble moments.
For joy comes when the narrow path is trod.
There are plenty to follow our Lord half-way, but not the other half. They will give up possessions, friends and honors, but it touches them too closely to disown themselves.
But it is in just such a disowning that the precious is discovered. And this losing of myself allows me to find the treasure hidden in the field.
Pearl of great price.
Yet nothing worth having comes easily. But through choice and effort. Blood, sweat and tears laboring. For letting go of the life I think will yield the greatest return can hurt and is a leap of faith that costs dearly and can only be gained in holding His hand in the secret place where darkness turns to light and sin melts and this great love never lets go.
It is just this astonishing life which is willing to follow Him the other half, sincerely to disown itself, this life which intends complete obedience, without any reservations, that I would propose to you in all humility, in all boldness, in all seriousness. I mean this literally, utterly, completely, and I mean it for you and for me — commit your lives in unreserved obedience to Him.
If you don’t realize the revolutionary explosiveness of this proposal you don’t understand what I mean. Only now and then comes a man or a woman who … is willing to be utterly obedient, to go the other half, to follow God’s faintest whisper. But when such a commitment comes in a human life, God breaks through…
The first step to obedience of the second half is the flaming vision of the wonder of such a life…Once having the vision, the second step to holy obedience is this: Begin where you are. Obey now. Use what little obedience you are capable of, even if it be like a grain of mustard seed.
Begin where you are.
~Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion, 1941 “Holy Obedience”