You’re called to be a wife not a worrier…Trust God, stop fuming and let your husband lead

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We women are wonderful nurturers.  Created strong and smart and beautiful.

We are keepers of the hearth. Mistress of the home. We ever love our husbands and our babies like crazy.

But in our great love somewhat askew, we are pesky worriers.

And we can fuss in our fear. Raising the roof when rises our desire {demands} to control. Controlling from fear because we lack trust in a big God who holds everything together.

And what about our husbands when we’re stomping and yelling?

Once upon a time when I was young and foolish, in self-centered fear and lack of belief and trust in God, I overlooked the fact that my former spouse was the head of my little family.

I would bark out directions as if he were a pre-schooler who didn’t have the wisdom or ability to walk through life successfully without me controlling like a hawk, always watching.

Helicopter wife waiting to pounce, devouring her prey. Diminishing the masculine spirit wounded.

Disrespectful.

And then wondering why he wasn’t leading. And my little girl-woman’s heart crying to be loved.

Perhaps you are like I was?

A wife old or young and maybe not even realizing what you are doing for maybe that’s how you were raised in your family growing up and getting wounded.

Mom wearing the pants. Dad abusive, leaving, or getting tossed out, and mom having no choice but to assume leadership of the family.

Woman roaring role model imbedded in our minds and hearts. What we saw we falsely believed we needed to become in order to survive our grown up lives.

Wrong.

We are no longer children in abusive homes fearful. And the old ways we learned bring great harm to our adult lives and marriages.

We are woman and we are wives, some of us, and God has created us strong and capable of many, many things. But still our strength is in our softness. Softness of tone and facial expression coming from a heart being made softer each day as it submits to the Father in love.

Softness of heart and mind as we willingly yield to our husband’s leadership. For better or for worse trusting that God is in control.

So we don’t have to worry so much.

We no longer need to wear the pants, call the shots, do whatever it takes to survive.

We can exhale.

And give husbands respectful submission. Not that we become unthinking domestic drones. God gives a man a wife because she can help him see life from a different perspective.

But when your husband knows and feels respected by you he feels his love for you more and I believe it also helps him to better hear your wifely wisdom.

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And if each wife in her own home started respecting her man the way God asks her to we just might see a ripple effect begin in society and media which so often portray men as weak buffoons needing to be bossed around, incapable of completing a simple task without direction or of making a wise choice.

But God made woman for man. Eve fashioned second after Adam from his own rib to be a helper for him in every way.

And we wives bring unique strengths and graces to marriage, complimenting our men, making them stronger. And this creates a healthier family unit and that always blesses our babies.

Husbands and wives — equal in essence yet different in function.

And both just as dear to the Father’s heart who knew that it was not good for man to be alone.

Yet this role of helper suitable doesn’t suit us when we want to do the leading. It doesn’t sit well with many post-modern women who may not recognize the power of their true femininity.

Not just the lure of the flesh feminine flashing control, but the gentle, quiet beauty of the inner woman resting secure and healing in the Father’s hand.

For only the Father’s love can heal the little girl broken, wounded, and angry who lashes out afraid in her fatherless hurts buried and often unforgiven, and excuses made to herself that it is okay to act that way.

But it’s not okay. 

Only hope lies in surrendering to the greatest Lover we will ever know. And in saying no to satan’s lies that encourage our lust for control and man-ipulation.

Trusting that the only perfect man, Jesus Christ, and His great love for us will finally free us from our past that holds us bound.

So we can stop all the fretting and fussing and relax and let Hubby lead the way. Trusting that God will make all things right even when our husband’s choice turns out to be the wrong one. And consequences fall on our shoulders, too.

Don’t tell him you told him so.

He knows you told him so. He knows he didn’t make the best choice. Let Father teach his heart instead because that lesson will stick minus the resentment of a wife’s hen-pecking.

But your mouth, and mine, will only stay shut to the extent that we trust our Maker who is our Husband, first and forever.

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And over time in marriage there will come a learning that we need each other because we don’t know everything nor can we do it all alone, two so much better than one. Wife’s weakness a husband’s strength and vice versa.

And there will be a humbling as we willingly lay down our “rights” to yield to our man.

And there will be an appreciating that the differences that cause conflict, fear and worry are needed.

To help heal our hearts.

Grow us up.

Teach us to love well.

And give us a marriage better than we ever dreamed possible…

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28 thoughts on “You’re called to be a wife not a worrier…Trust God, stop fuming and let your husband lead

    • Thanks so much, Dana. Your faithful words soooooo encourage me to keep doing what I do especially in those moments when the enemy whispers to me: “your words don’t matter.” Bless you, my friend. Hugs!!

      • Oh my, your words matter! They minister to me on a weekly basis. I’m a young wife (kinda…13 years in), and I make selfish mistakes. You encourage me to change that. You remind me to get myself in line with God

  1. Hi Sheila! Visiting from Coffee for your Heart! Great post – thanks for sharing. I have a small group of woman who are going through the book “What’s it really like to be married to me?” by Linda Dillow. We’ve been having some great discussions! I may share this post with them!

    Blessings, Lynne

  2. This is such a common problem that I encounter and bump up against in my own life and marriage, Sheila. I suppose it is part of the curse on Eve. We all want to be the boss over our husband’s on some level. I’m so glad you’re speaking on this issue and saying the things that are hard to hear but need to be considered in our lives. It’s a challenging message for sure, but one that I’m grateful for, my sweet friend! Say, “hello” to Michael for me, will you? Love ya!

    • It is common to woman! And our sin nature’s are common to all of us. So we need to keep remembering {note to Sheila} to obey God always and everything falls into line that way “) MK says hello back!!

  3. Oh, my! The timing! I wrote about this very topic this morning. As I looked back at myself as a young bride, I am so ashamed of the way I belittled and undermined my husband. Only in the surrender of my will to the will of God did I find the strength to submit. When I allow my husband to make the decisions, there is so much peace in my home. I also see him growing into his role as head of our family. It is a beautiful thing! #LifeGivingLinkup

  4. Respect and disrespect comes in many forms and faces. Thank you for sharing pieces of your story to highlight the importance of respecting our husbands. Visiting from #TellHisStory today.

    • You’re welcome, Ginger. I am so grateful to God for finally getting my heart and then for using all my “bad” to share good with other wives. He is so faithful!! Thanks.

  5. Beautiful post and a great reminder of the things we can bring into our marriage. We are responsible to submit to the healing the Lord offers so we can have strong and healthy relationships with our husbands and with our kids. The coping mechanisms we developed as children were necessary when we were little and powerless, but now we are grown ups. Not only are they not needed anymore, they actually hinder our growing up!

  6. Amazing post, Sheila! I’m always grateful for your GODLY wisdom and advice. It’s a blessing to connect with you! Infinite blessings to you, Love! 🙂

    #RaRaLinkup 😉

  7. Oh yes, Sheila; this is what I’m working toward:”gentle, quiet beauty of the inner woman resting secure and healing in the Father’s hand” as I learn to relinquish the fearful inner girl-child who feels she has to be strong to survive. Yet I have witnessed how much my beloved grows in his own walk with God when I offer respect instead of resentment, softness instead of shrill and gentleness and grace instead of gritted teeth and hurling of insults. Thankfully, Jesus has been (and is) changing me from the inside out, and I’m growing in responsive love and trust toward my spouse as well as deeper dependence on Christ. Surrender implies being soft in a bad way sometimes but we need to learn who to yield to, how and when to submit, and when to be the strong woman of God we were born to become. Thank you for helping us to do just that with your timely posts! Bless you, friend. Xox <3

    • We are all such imperfect and highly loved works-in-progress. And you are right, Joy, when we speak with kindness and respect it seems to usher in an atmosphere in our marriage that invites the same in return. Thanks and hugs and blessings galore to you, dear friend. xxoo

  8. I know. I am still a worrier. But my marriage is blessed when I just surrender my worries to Christ and let my husband lead. Thanks you for the inspiration.

    • You and me both, Mary. And Jesus knows we are frail and human and He will never condemn us for our fears. He will continue LOVING on us until we are so full of His powerful love that there is no room for fears and worries. Thanks so much for stopping by!

    • God does have the perfect plan for marriage. Bring together two highly imperfect individuals, stir their brokenness until it boils over, scoop off the dross and then add in hearty doses of love, grace, forgiveness and more grace, simmer for a lifetime until they are made perfect like their Father…Thanks, Lisa. Glad to meet you!!