Are you a wife who bullies her husband? Here’s hope for change…

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When a wife has no idea how precious she is in God’s sight…

Has no clue that God himself died for her sake…

That God loves her no matter what…

She can get all twisted inside and resort to being a lesser form of her true self.

The lovely, gentle woman and wife God has created her to be lies silent in the shadows while a bully bride emerges bringing her husband harm instead of good all his days.

And no matter how physically or sexually attractive you are, it may not be long before your husband views you as horribly ugly.

 Lord, help the woman who sees herself in these words to hold her tongue and give her husband peace and the respect he deserves.

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Maybe you grew up all messed up. And your marriage is a mess. And your kids are hurting. And you are hurting more than you realize and denial is a handy anestitizer.

Step out of your denial before you destroy your man, your marriage.

Why do you let words fly from your lips without much thought of the effect they may have on your husband’s heart? Or your children’s hearts? Or the hearts of those in earshot especially if your verbal lashing is in public?

Husbands may be brow beaten by bully wives for years until it gets so bad that they just up and leave.

And my heart goes out to you in compassion and so does God’s. He sees the future and like any good parent watching their baby make bad choices, His heart bleeds when he watches you choosing evil over right living. And in blessing us with gifts worked for good Father allows suffering as the logical consequences of our actions.

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I know what that’s like.

I was a bully wife as a young, first-time bride. Many days my tongue lashed hellish and the sad fact is I’m not sure I ever realized how awful and hateful I sounded. Or how much I was hurting my former spouse’s heart and masculine spirit. I couldn’t see how black I was inside. Back then I didn’t feel truly sorry for my bad behaviors because I was so wrapped up in me. And needing to control EVERYTHING.

Wicked!

I made the worst choices possible in marriage and when several older women gently suggested I change my ways, I would not hear of it, wouldn’t receive wise counsel, but kept on in my wonton disrespect, belittlement, always wounding.

Raising my voice, often cursing, I let my former spouse know that I was most unhappy and it was his responsibility to bow to my demands. And he did. Mostly. And it didn’t matter if I was PMS-ing, or had a headache, or was worried over bills unpaid or was up all night with a baby.

No matter the circumstances we each possess the power to choose our behaviors.

But when God in His great and tender mercy allowed my life to crash and burn — my former spouse filed for divorce — the door cracked open a tiny bit and I was able to glimpse the ugliness of my sin. Habits of hatred that began in girlhood growing up in a home wrecked by alcoholism and divorce.

And when a woman gets hurt early in life, when she is not loved, cherished, protected, and reassured of her value and worth the way God intends for her to be, she often grows up hard, building a wall around the pieces of her broken heart.

And her husband bears the brunt of her pain.

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If you recognize yourself in my story, please stop. Please give your heart to God. Seek to know Him through reading the gospels. Receive His great love and forgiveness so that you can start to love Him and then others.

Repent. And go in a new direction. Towards God. Towards your husband. Towards being the wife God wants you to be.

Ask your husband to forgive you for sinning against him. Ask God to forgive your evil out bursts. Whatever you do to someone else you are doing to God, the very God that loved you so much he hung on that cross.

A relationship with Him will heal your heart of all its hurts one day at a time. And it will allow you to forgive those who have hurt you.

You grew up, though, and became a strong survivor. You’re smart, capable, accomplishing much with the apparent ease of a fully grown woman. But inside you’re only six or eight or 12 years old, trembling with tears running down your cheeks and all your little-girl-lost self wants is to be loved.

To be held. To be soothed. To hear the words that everything will be alright.

And it can be.

Moreover we know that to those who love God, who are called according to his plan, everything that happens fits into a pattern for good. God, in his foreknowledge, chose them to bear the family likeness of his Son, that he might be the eldest of a family of many brothers. He chose them long ago; when the time came he called them, he made them righteous in his sight, and then lifted them to the splendor of life as his own sons.
Romans 8:28

No matter what happened in your past you can make your future with your husband and family a very good one.

But only God’s way.

The way of love. With obedience to Him stemming from your love for Him because He loves you first. He loves you like crazy no matter how sinful you have been.

So why not choose new today?

Right now. This very moment. You may not have another for nothing is guaranteed.

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Take the first step and decide to change. Be assured that God is a good Father indeed who will tax the furthest star to help you.

Surrender your heart to the One who loves you best of all.

Read the Bible. Begin in Mark, then read John. Read as if you’ve never been taught anything about God and ask the Spirit to reveal truth to you.

Do what Jesus does.

Practice love as a verb expressed like this.

Give your husband respect, it’s his life blood.

Keep at it, one day after the other, living out a newness of life that will become your new nature, your true nature as you stay the course with Christ.

Dearest Father, may my heart always be open to You and to the changes that you want in me. Changes that will make me more like your Son. And please grant godly sorrow to the wife that needs to change her ways. Lead her to true repentance, humility and lasting good — for Your sake, for her husband and family’s sake and for her sake, too. May she deeply understand and treasure the truth that she is precious to You.

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And you can do it, Wife! And I will keep cheering you on!!

God helped me and He will help you. Wiping your slate clean. Giving you a fresh start.

I’ve been in the darkest pit, hurting others and myself so very hurt, and then God allowed me to come undone and I re-learned life and marriage God’s way. So can you!

You can transition from where you are today to the woman, wife and/or mother God wants you to be. And I can help you on your way.  Click here for details on my C2 Mentoring for Women.

To you, my dear sister-friend whose heart beats like mine, blessings of peace, love, healing and heart-change…

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13 thoughts on “Are you a wife who bullies her husband? Here’s hope for change…

  1. Sheila, I loved this post! While reading it I was seeing myself back in my first year of marriage. I was that girl that was going in the bad direction, I was that bride that God was not happy about. I’m happy and thankful to God because I have found freedom in Jesus to be the wife God want me to be. It’s a process of learning and hearing God’s voice every day towards my husband. I look at the past and I have to say “I don’t know where I will be without Jesus and his forgiveness”. This is a great post today and I have to say I want to read it again and share it to others. God transforms even the horrible and darkness of our hearts to light! We are called to be light in our marriage.

    Blessings to you my friend, I’m visiting from #RaRalinkup.

    Tayrina from TGAWrites

    • Thank you, Tayrina. So so so glad you responded to God’s whispers about being a better wife. TRULY you have save yourself and others a heartful of grief and pain. Blessings…

    • So happy that you can read my story and learn and change and grow from my pain and skip over it yourself 🙂 Keep up the good wife-ing, Dana my friend, and keep making Jesus smile. Hugs xxoo

  2. Dear Sheila … thanks for putting this tender topic of verbal abuse on the table. It’s easy to think that men are the only abusers or that abuse only comes in ways that show physically.

    Most of all, thanks for showing that change and healing and hope can spring forth by His grace.

    So good …

  3. I’m praying that the right women would come to your site, Sheila, and drop their guards to see how harsh and bullying they’ve been with their hubbies or even children (since they often get the brunt of this anger as well). I can’t imagine that you were ever like you’ve described here, Sheila. But I do know that being raised in a home where you were treated as worthless and undesirable can certainly darken your mind and way of relating. I’m so glad God has set you free from that because you are a breath of sunshine to the wounded and weary, my friend! Praying your ministry flourishes!

    • Thanks, Beth. I was — at times — a young wife with an awful mouth. Even some moments of now my mouth can speak harsh things. And while I wasn’t exactly raised feeling worthless and undesirable completely, it was a challenging childhood. BUT GOD. Him always there beside me. Then. Now. Forever. #LoveHIMsoMuch!!!

    • Thank you, Shannon. People often say I am courageous. Maybe so. But sometimes I shake fearful and tremblings. Yet I ALWAYS feel compelled to share my truth, my bad, my experiences so that OTHERS might learn and CHOOSE differently and keep their original marriages and families in tact. May God work in your heart to make you all that He wants you to be. Blessings and hope to see you again. 🙂

  4. As always I love the encouragement here as you lead women to new life in marriage. I love the open and straightforward approach you offer. I think many lives will be changed through this Sheila! Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.

    • Thanks, Kelly, for consistently cheering me on. So good to hear from you. And so glad, as always, that my words, my pain, my losses, my experiences can influence other wives to potentially do better in their marriages than I formerly did. And thanks for sharing these posts as you may be lead. My hearts desire is to help set women free to be the best wives they can be and to contribute positively to their families. Blessings, friend. xxoo