When fear of impending change causes fighting in your marriage…Love Talk series conclusion, Part 4


God grant me the courage to change the things I can…
Reinhold Neibuhr, Serenity Prayer

Perhaps it’s the uncertainty of the unknown.

Maybe it’s just resistance in wanting what you want.

Could be a little bit of laziness and enjoying the status quo of usual routines.

Or is it that you just feel safe the way things are?

Whatever the reason when presented with impending change in marriage we can sometimes respond {react?} in less than the most positive way.

We forget our Big Daddy God has got everything under control and we allow our fears to surface and then act on them.

And that can lead to quarreling with the Mr.  And that’s definitely not the best solution.

So what can we do when we need to communicate with our spouse about some change that will affect our marriage or family?


First things first
As always — Go to God. Praying before talking with your spouse about something important is always a wise rule of thumb. In the case of change tell Him what you’re thinking and why you feel uncomfortable. Confess your fears to Father. And in admitting you are afraid, don’t run from Him, press in and ask the Spirit for help in growing your faith. And a situation like the one you are currently facing may just be exactly how God is helping you increase your trust in Him. Remember that the God of all the universe loves you like crazy, will never leave you and always has your best interest at heart. Even in things that may be hard to face or bear.

Talk with your spouse
Pick a time when you have some time. Maybe after the kids are sleeping. Or Saturday morning at breakfast when the pressing demands of your daily grind have loosened their grip. And remember — as with every good or bad word you utter, what you say and how you say it to your spouse is exactly the message you are sending to Jesus.

Be humbly honest with your husband
If you are frightened by an upcoming change that will affect your marriage, let your man know. I think in most marital communications regarding change we wives are the ones who are a little more hesitant. So let him know how important a sense of stability and security is to you. And watch that your fear and need to feel safe doesn’t lead to a defensive tone or demeanor. Trust Dad! Share your heart respectfully and politely with your husband. As you and your husband share the feelings that underscore the issue you will understand each other better. And having more insight into what motivates your spouse makes it easier to understand why he or she may say or do some of the things they do.

Whether change comes easily to you or not the fact remains that God is always working in your heart and mine to change us so that our character grows more like Christ.

Now that’s the kind of change all of us welcome — whether we are cautious or spontaneous. Changing one’s ways to become a better person overrides even the strongest resistance to change because it brings about devotion and cultivates commitment. And, of course, these qualities are like music to every couple’s ears.
Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot, from their book, Love Talk

Michael and I continue changing, growing and learning from the book Love Talk. Will you join us?

Order your copy of Love Talk and the workbooks today — one for herone for him— by clicking these links now.

Communication is vital for a healthy marriage. Practicing better ways of talking and listening will go a long way in building intimacy.

So never stop talking with each other…

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And click these links to catch up with the rest of my Love Talk series…

Part 1:  Join us on our journey in couple communication

Part 2:  Being real with your words increases marital intimacy

Part 3: Simple technique to improve communication, Good Sandwich

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2 thoughts on “When fear of impending change causes fighting in your marriage…Love Talk series conclusion, Part 4

  1. Sound advice as always! I especially appreciated the “First things first” guidance because when we calm ourselves before the Lord we become better able to listen to Him and hear what He is saying to us. And that aids clearer communication with our spouse. Otherwise, we are in danger of acting and reacting from our emotions only rather than from our spirits. Thank you, Sheila. This series is so helpful no matter what the problems may be or the length of the marriage relationship. Bless you for your faithful sharing, my friend. xox 🙂

    • It is my joy and honor, Joy, that God allows me to share stories from what I’ve learned along the way and that other’s find the words helpful. It’s always so nice to hear from you, my friend. Thanks so much for stopping by. Hugs!!