Baby-stepping your way to respect…11 tips for honoring your husband…Part 3 concluding the Respect Your Man series

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Sometimes respect for a husband begins with a baby step.

Once while mentoring a woman {she does not mind my sharing her story} who felt ready to throw in the marital towel believing there was absolutely no way she could respect her husband, I challenged her.

I asked her to ask God for one thing that she respected in her husband and then to let him know.


For her it was a Dunkin’ Donuts Boston Kreme.

Every Saturday hubby had bought her favorite sweet on his way home from the gym.

But when she chose to tell him that she respected him for this simple act of willing faithfulness, something she had never before considered doing because her list against him was long, she saw a tiny spark in his eyes. He quietly thanked her and smiled.

From this humble start she chose to hunt for other aspects in him that she could respect. The more she found the easier it became until one day she realized she felt respect for him.

Her eyes and heart were opening and his attitude towards her continued to soften over time, and before too long they were going to the gym together and then going out for Saturday breakfast!

Respecting your man as a choice of will in obedience to God can be the point at which your heart starts to change, altering the entire atmosphere of your marriage. 


Here are 11 ways to help you be a respectful wife.

First things first — Being a good, respectful wife starts with being a good, respectful Daughter. So often when you have an issue in your temporal {self-spinning?} world the root cause of imbalance is your heart isn’t right with God. So pray, confess, spend more time that usual with the Lover of your soul. And then show Him you love Him by doing what He asks.

Change your thoughts — God seems amazingly brave to have gifted us with free will. And with it our ability to choose to create good or evil. And it all starts with a single thought. Alter your thinking about your husband so that it aligns with the Almighty. Train your mind to honor, respect and obey your man as an act of love for God.

Study your man — You are your unique husband’s helper so ask God how to best respect your mate so he can feel it in his bones. Each precious husband is different and part of your job and mine is to really know our man so that we can best bless them. And ask your husband, too! But don’t get defensive if you don’t like what he may tell you.

And here are some of the ways I purpose to practice my respect for my Michael. And just to make sure I am respecting my man as well as I may think I am I read this post to him before I published…and he even added a few of the points below that I had not realized were making him feel respected.

Kindness: a soft tone {when I’m not laughing loudly with him!}; pleasant demeanor even when a conversation may be challenging; my presence is his judgement-free zone; being warm and welcoming.

Gratitude: for how hard he works to provide for us and allow me to be an at-home wife and writer; for how he grows in his love, tenderness and respect for me daily; for being my faithful friend and lover.

Time: I am never too busy at my computer to stop what I am doing as soon as he comes into my office. For a kiss, for a chat, whatever. My Michael is my priority after God.

Devotion: My heart, mind and body are for my Michael and him alone. I don’t share one-on-one friendships with other males. Michael is my man and I delight in being his woman.

Sex: After respect this speaks to a man in a big way. If you have any issues in this area please seek counsel because physical intimacy between a husband and wife is vital to a thriving, God-honoring marriage.

Caring for him: my husband feels respected and loved as I provide basic care like cooking him yummy, healthy meals; providing him with the daily supplements that keep him feeling fit; anticipating his needs before he asks, keeping our home neat and tidy {even when it’s easy for me to leave a sink full of dishes sitting all morning!; and when he asks me to do something for him responding in a timely fashion with a positive attitude.

Extending grace: not being overly sensitive to those seldom times when Michael is less than attentive due to pressing work tasks or a stressful situation. Overlooking other seldom times when he’s not at his God-best. And always, in good and not-so-good, letting God meet my needs first.

Listening to him: I am interested in what is on my Michael’s mind and heart. What is important to him becomes important to me. He appreciates my attentiveness to the things that matter most to him.


I remember days long ago in another life, and even some days not that long ago, when respecting a husband was tedious. And while the responsibility for a great marriage lies with both husbands and wives, I can only change me and you, wife, can only change you.

And everything begins and ends in Him.

So start in a solitary, quiet place where it’s just Jesus and you.

And if God is truly Lord of your life as you believe and say, then changing for His sake will be your good pleasure…

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Read the Respect Your Man series:
Part 1: Is your husband starving for respect?
Part 2: Let your husband know he’s welcome and wanted  

And please SHARE this post and SUBSCRIBE now…

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39 thoughts on “Baby-stepping your way to respect…11 tips for honoring your husband…Part 3 concluding the Respect Your Man series

  1. Sheila,
    Such wonderful gentle wisdom in your words. I’m so happy your friend listened to you and changed her focus and found how it changed her relationship with her husband…and yes, it begins with “First things first”…funny, I used the same phrase in my post today 🙂

    • Must be that phrase is from Father! I say this all the time to my Michael. And when First things are first all else falls into perspective. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and blessings…

  2. Sheila!

    I’m just sooo blessed by your words today! These tips are rock solid and so important! Helpful reminders, for sure : )

    The example you shared reminded me of an experience I had when my husband and I were first married. One of the things I really respect about my husband is how gifted he is at just loving people and being there for them -anyone, anytime. We were at a point where I frequently found myself frustrated by him because of false expectations I had and it seemed we always got into an argument about this while on our way to visit people (not about the people we were visiting!) Time and again I’d be so upset or annoyed at him when we walked up to knock on someone else’s door. And over and over again we’d get inside and I’d see how he was with other people -and how no matter what argument we’d just had he would still be loving and kind to me. Boy, did that get my attention repeatedly and remind me of what I could fairly expect from him -for him to be himself, who I dearly loved!

    So many of the tips you gave in this post are ones that have helped me to respect Him for Him and to back off on setting unnecessary expectations! Thanks for your post and obeying the Lord in your words and sharing!! : )

    Do you mind if I link to your post soon on my site Blessings!

    • Thank you, Bethany. Your words bless me! And I am so happy to hear how you have learned to be respectful and to mind your expectations! (they can get us into so much trouble sometimes!!). Your hubby sounds like a Godly man and that is a gift to you. I am honored that you want to link to my post/site. Yes. Thanks much for asking first. 🙂 All the best and looking forward to knowing you a little bit better…Hugs!

      • Aw, hugs back! I am blessed by Matt and it sounds like your Michael is swell too : ) I’ll link to your post sometime this week, thank you so much! Excited to get to know you as well!

  3. Preach it sister! The fact that it all starts and ends with Jesus and it’s all about looking inward instead of outward when it comes to issues in our marriage…all true, all hard to do, but so worth it in the end. And He is always glorified in a respectful, loving relationship. Great post Sheila. #raralinkup

  4. Hi Sheila! These tips seem to be born of so much wisdom. How wonderful that you shared this with your husband first, and that he added his wisdom too.
    I really related to your openness when your husband comes into your office. There are many times that my husband walks by the computer to talk to me, and I am engrossed in a blog or an essay. I do resent the intrusion sometimes. I appreciated your sharing that after God, your Michael comes next. I’m going to remember that next time my husband wanders by!
    Nice to meet you! Thanks for stopping by my blog today,
    #RaRa Linkup,

    • Nice to meet you, too, Ceil. And as you put your man first above your other tasks or things you enjoy watch how his heart will warm more towards you!! Thanks for popping in. Hugs…

  5. Gosh, 21 years in and I’m still working on this, I can be so selfish with my expressing thankfulness and respect… Thanks for this heart-felt reminder to keep sharing the love and respect, to pour it out and see what happens with God in the middle!
    #RaRaLinkup Have a beautiful day in Him!

    • We are all works in progress, Christine. But I am sure your humility in expressing your weakness in this area blesses God’s heart. And He gives grace to the humble giving us power to do the right thing! Thanks…

  6. There is sooo much here. Thanks for the reminders as I know I need a lesson in this at times!

    I love that the simplicity of a donut was the start of change in her heart…thanks to God for being behind the change.

  7. What a great post. Respect, wouldn’t think it would be so difficult to do, but it is. We expect it for ourselves but how hard it is to do for others. I love the “extending grace” part. So true to do. Linking up from Women with Intention party.

    • Thanks, Michelle. Respect can be hard until we really get it in our hearts that as we respect our man we are respecting the God Man Himself! That has made all the difference for me. Blessings…

    • Hi Michelle — That’s one thing that learning the hard way yields…a deep gratitude for what God gives. Glad you stopped by and thanks so much for adding your thoughts.

  8. Shelia these are such wonderful tips on marriage and respect. I linked at Wedded Wednesday and your title caught my eye. Glad I stopped by. I sure needed these reminders. Blessings on your ministry!

  9. So good, Sheila. Sometimes we’ve gotta be like Nancy Drew with her magnifying glass, looking for even a shred of reason to show respect or say thank you or be appreciative.

    But once we do, the door begins to swing open wide. Slowly, but surely.

    Loved this post … and am sharing it on my sidebar!

    • In my varied past I rarely respected. With Michael it’s now so different. My heart is different, more healed, and respecting isn’t the chore it once was. That and reminding myself that if I dont respect my husband I am disrespecting my Husband! Thanks, Linda. Always good to hear from you. And thanks so much for sharing!

  10. I can tell that you’ve learned and walked this path of discovering how to respect your husband, Sheila! Thanks so much for this bounty of wisdom. So many women I deal with don’t have a clue about how to respect their husbands and this is a wealth of guidance for that process. Hugs to you, my friend!

  11. Excellent advice! May our marriages be a beautiful picture of the marriage between Christ and His church. Linked up with you at Playdates with God — hope you’ll stop by Saved by Grace for a visit!
    God bless,

  12. Awesome list of what we can do to learn respect for our husbands (as well as for anyone in our lives). Especially when we go through a difficult season in our relationships, we need to pull up this list and review it!!

  13. I totally agree. We get get so blinded by the faults and the anger that we have a hard time seeing anything good sometimes. But the enemy wants to keep us blinded and God wants to shine His light so He can illuminate the good.

    • And I think, Jen, that when we make it a matter of honoring God the respect flows so much more easily. From the heart. Without even trying. At least that is what I am finding. The more I fall in love with Jesus and aim to please God in everything, all else seems to fall into place much more readily.

  14. This is a wonderful post, and I have a Michael of my own that I love to show respect to 🙂 So glad you were able to encourage your friend and I am sure this post will encourage others as well. Visiting from RaRaLinkup

  15. Great post, Sheila! I always gain practical and GODLY wisdom when I visit with you. Thank you so much for sharing! Infinite blessings to you, Love! 🙂

    #RaRaLinkup 😉

  16. There are a couple on this list that are simply must do’s, but I am not doing them. Thank you for inspring my heart on what I know God is calling me to do. Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.

    • What helps me, Kelly, is realizing that when I respect and honor my husband I respect and honor God! That change in perspective makes a HUGE difference. Blessings and hugs, my friend.