How you and I can help our husbands more this year…Part One in the Becoming Better Helpmates series


And now we welcome the new year full of things that have never been.
~Rainer Maria Rilke

January is nearly over and I’ve been thinking about how God is in the business of beginning in us, sometimes over and over, until we learn our lessons.

And I’ve been praying, pondering and planning on how I would like to finish 2015.

Strong. Changed. Better.

How I want to make the most of the unwritten pages of the next 11 months with my life and marriage more closely on point.

I don’t want another midnight celebration to roll around a year from now and I find myself exactly where I am today. Do you?

Not that today is bad, but God is always wanting us to pursue excellence and positive growth. So I set my heart with His.

Because January plans pumped with enthusiasm are great, but our life with Christ is a day by day long obedience in the same direction.

And our marriages are a day by day decision to remain devoted and do the next right thing. And out of our life with Christ flows everything.

First I am God’s daughter-disciple. I pick up the cross that is mine while allowing Him to carry it for me as I do my part.

Next I am a wife, a helpmate uniquely suitable for my husband Michael.

Lastly, I am a writer, sharing words from the heart to help others.

I am careful not to confuse my priorities so I press into Christ, continually asking for guidance, wisdom and always lots of love.

And I ask my husband.

Because Wife, you and I are not only to be a helper in general terms common to all wives, but in very specific ways crafted to meet our mate’s particular needs, temperament, healing and dreams.

And our strengths may be their weaknesses and vice versa and a husband’s healing goes hand in hand with our own.

When in relationship to God through Christ, and each other through marriage, we embark on a lifelong state of sanctification equating to the healing of our wayward hearts so that the core essence of who we are, the very character that God has created us to be, can be fulfilled.

Quite the adventure! So I surrender more — even when it pains me.

Choose to be second. Give all of me in a more obedient way. Making mistakes sometimes and starting over. Giving up the life I cling to in order to find the life He has for me and the marriage He has planned for us.

For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans forwelfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You willseek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will befound by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’ 
Jeremiah 29:11-15

As daughters and wives we must wake up and realize it’s now or never in this very moment to do what He calls us to do. The next one is not promised, a potent reminder to stop hitting the snooze button!


At the beginning of 2015 I asked God for one thing I can do to better help my Michael.

Ask him for the top five things he would like for you to pray about for him.

My husband sent me an email with seven requests!

I pray for Michael all the time but it’s usually what I think he needs. Or ways I’d like to see him change. But Michael knows his heart and mind better than I do. I printed Michael’s email and keep it in my Bible so I can pray often over his list.

And God, He thinks of everything. He is our best marriage counselor and teacher. He knows what needs to be done to make all things work for good.

So I ask Him to reveal another way I can be a better helper for my man. I will add this to my January instructions and when December comes along again, and I’ve been practicing at least these 12 specific things, I no doubt will be changed.

My marriage, too.

And what a wife does — for better or for worse — definitely impacts her one-flesh best friend and the bond of marriage.

Will you, Wife, come along with me?

We can journey together changing and growing into the beautiful helpmates He has specifically made us to be for our husbands? {And if you are reading this and are in an abusive marriage please seek counseling, get out and be safe. My second marriage was highly abusive and no amount of my changing made a difference. Please be wise.}

Maybe you will be lead to ask your husband what are his prayer needs. Or maybe God will tell you something else. Pray and ask Dad. Father knows best how His daughter should be a wife.

And beginnings — like a new year — are intoxicating, aren’t they? Who knows where we’ll wind up as wives? Or how us changing will impact our marriages and our mates.

This year just may be the adventure of a lifetime!

Making our marriage dreams-come-true even sweeter and more God-honoring…

Sheila Signature Reduced

P.S. I read this book shortly after my first marriage ended, when God used incredibly hard circumstances to get my attention that He wanted to work on me. If you are serious about your walk with God, this book is a great encouragement that I strongly recommend. {And if you click on my affiliate link and purchase, I receive a small commission at no cost to you. Thanks!}

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4 thoughts on “How you and I can help our husbands more this year…Part One in the Becoming Better Helpmates series

  1. Great post! I loved the idea of asking what five (or seven) things my husband would like me to pray for. I too am guilty of just praying, not that it is bad, it just might not be what he would like.

    “And our marriages are a day by day decision to remain devoted and do the next right thing. And out of our life with Christ flows everything.” I’ve never heard it said better, thank you!

  2. This is real wisdom, Sheila: “And our marriages are a day by day decision to remain devoted and do the next right thing.” May God enable us! Blessings to you.