So you’ve grown up feeling like an orphan although maybe you never thought of it in those terms.
I know what it is to be broken. To suffer fear, pain and loss. To wonder about being loved when “love” hurts so much. And then to get angry about it.
And how that anger destroys marriages and relationships and leads you into a life of isolation and suffering.
But I also know that there is a way out.
Nothing will ever separate you from God’s love not even your choice to ignore the Gift. To walk away from the Ultimate Good Daddy who loves you forever.
Sometimes it takes a long time before you realize and accept that Love stretched it’s arms wide in order to scoop up the world in one big cosmic hug. You grow up feeling undeserving, unloved, unsupported.
But God. And Love that holds you tight.
God in His wisdom that is higher than yours, selects parents good, bad and in-between for the sake of creating you in the unique and wonderful way He plans so that His plans for you can ultimately be worked out. And sometimes that includes having parents who fail, hurt or do unspeakable things that rip you to shreds and leave you lying on the floor alone.
But He shed His blood, and drops of sweat as blood, because life is in the blood. He gave His life up, dying a hideous death far worse than anything you or I have ever experienced in the worst situations. And He did it all because He loves us that much.
He gave His life so that you might someday choose to lose your own “life”– that crazy system of survival formulated to keep you from falling apart as an adult wounded and wondering where the love is — in order that you might find the life of purpose and power and meaning that He created you for.
That gift of life He gives you that is meant to be a unique gift to the world.
And it can be crazy and convoluted getting from a broken childhood to a healing, whole adulthood. And there have been times when I have cried out asking Him why.
Why did my dad drink so much?
Why all the fighting in my family of origin?
Why did we have to run out of the house or bolt the doors?
Why did that precious little girl who still lives inside my heart have to tremble so much?
Feel afraid all. the. time?
And then get angry.
And the anger which covered the fear and the hurt became a weapon of destruction sinfully which helped detonate divorce in a marriage where other innocent children — like my precious babies — became collateral damage.
And so on and so on, cycles of abuse repeating.
Until His magnificent grace and love flows in. Slowly like a trickle at first for a heart all parched can only take sips. Then the latter rains and a gushing and a filling and love overflowing.
Yet always the need to keep learning. To stay close to Him who will guard your heart, your words, your actions. To remember where you came from and how it affected you and then in knowing that you are loved, you are wanted, you are His baby girl forever, choosing to be different than what you were before. Surrendering all to Him for healing for you don’t even have the power to change yourself.
But His grace makes all things new.
For you are more than a mere survivor when Jesus rules your heart.
You are His child. Precious. Beloved. Sought.
And you can change, and your marriage can transform, into the glory of God…
Part One: Are you out of control in your marriage because you feel like an orphan?
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