Sex in marriage is like glue. Apply liberally for a better bond…


The gift of sexual love in marriage is as mysterious as marriage itself.

It transcends the physical realm lifting couples into ever higher levels of spiritual oneness.

A beautiful thing full of blessing, sexual love between a husband and his wife is something to delight in frequently.

Because sex is like glue. It’s a bonding agent between spouses.

It draws couples close while releasing stress that can tear them apart. An immune system booster, it’s an awful lot of fun.

While sex is not the means to intimacy, it is absolutely an expression of intimacy. And a couple’s sex life is a barometer of the strength and vitality of their overall marriage.

Intimacy between a husband and wife — God’s idea — is. that. important.

The husband should give his wife what is due to her as his wife, and the wife should be as fair to her husband. The wife has no longer full rights over her own person, but shares them with her husband. In the same way the husband shares his personal rights with his wife. Do not cheat each other of normal sexual intercourse, unless of course you both decide to abstain temporarily to make special opportunity for fasting and prayer. But afterwards you should resume relations as before, or you will expose yourselves to the obvious temptation of the devil.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5

And the enemy of God and of you and your marriage knows how potent sexual love can be in protecting a couple. How within marriage it represents the union of Christ and His beloved believers in some other worldly way.

So the enemy employs all sorts of tactics that wives can fall prey to. Especially if they haven’t been praying too much lately.

When a wife gets angry at her husband and withholds sex to get her point across, or uses sex to manipulate what she wants, sin is crouching at the bedroom door.

And — though perhaps less frequently — a husband who passively aggressively punishes his mate by denying her sexual pleasure is just as wrong.

And the wormwoods and the screwtapes of the underworld assigned to that marriage score big.

But God is not pleased when there is lack in this area.

He doesn’t smile upon marital with-holding patterns, regardless of who is wielding control. Because at the root of control is fear. And fear is an absence of faith and a lovelessness that can lead to even more sin.

We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him…There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
1 John 4: 16 and 18

Physical illness and dysfunction aside, or on occasion sheer exhaustion, a wife is just wrong when she says not tonight dear. And so is a husband who punishes by controlling the marriage bed not for better but for worse. All sorts of heart issues run rampant below the surface between a man and a woman in this situation. Perhaps she has an unresolved daddy issue. Or he struggles on a subterranean level with a spirit of misogyny.

And it all results in sin.

While scripture allows for mutually agreed upon times to be sexually apart for prayer and fasting, God wants spouses to frolic in the garden of their marriage bed naked and unashamed at will.

Joining together as one. Often.

Giving and receiving one of God’s sweetest gifts in marriage.

For His good pleasure and for yours…

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4 thoughts on “Sex in marriage is like glue. Apply liberally for a better bond…

  1. I am standing up and clapping right now can you see me!? And then I’m almost immediately forwarding this on to my husband, because I know it will make him smile! : ) I love it! What you say is right, of course. I imagine there are some exhausted moms reading this wishing you were wrong, but you are right. For too many years, I put being a mommy before being a wife (and not just in the bedroom). It was a mistake. A strong marriage is what is best for my kids. I just found you today, and I love that you are an encourager of marriages. Write on, sister, write on!

    • I can see you!! 🙂 YAY! and thank you for your encouraging words. I am glad you learned that being a wife comes before being a mommy. And so many children would be better off if all women understood that they are their husband’s bff, companion and lover and THEN the mother of his babies. Strong marriages make for healthy children which translates into a better society and future for us all. Thanks for stopping by and do come back. Will have to visit you, too.

  2. Hi Sheila. I fully agree with all you say here and am in better place emotionally where I can say this openly. Because, although sex in marriage may well be the glue holding couples together, it can also act as a wedge driving them apart if there are issues like mental health problems and/or past abuse getting in the way. I would have given anything to be able to be the wife my husband deserved. Yet, time after time, before a degree of inner healing came, I was someone who felt far from relaxed or happy about sex.
    And now? I am in a better place, praise God, but no way near as free as we’d both desire. Scars remain and so, unfortunately, do a profusion of physical health challenges (for over 20 years) which make sex far from straightforward or regular! However, I firmly believe there is hope of further healing to come. Plus, when I visited here from Jennifer’s site and saw your topic, I didn’t shy away but continued to read on and leave a comment, which shows that I am more at ease about this vital area of married life. Thank you for putting this topic into the public arena and helping people see how important it is to take it seriously.

    • Dear Joy — You are welcome and I am Praising God for the healing work He is doing and has done in your heart! And that you took a courageous step by reading and commenting about something so very tender. I pray for you, friend, that God continues bringing healing and freedom to you and your husband in this vital area, that the scars of the past would no longer be like chains, and that your physical health improves more each day. May God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and your marriage. Thank you so much for taking the time to visit and write. Please keep in touch!