What to do when your husband wears his cranky pants…


No. You may not starch his boxers!

Seriously when your man is not quite himself — maybe he’s edgy from too much work or too little sleep, fighting a cold or just woke up down– what you must do is look beyond the outward expressions and see his heart.

Focusing on all that’s good in him. Believing the best.

Husbands who strive to be God’s man 98 percent of the time deserve a get-out-of-jail card free in those moments when they are not their usual selves.

See his point of view as he works through his funk, extending the same grace he gives when you’re Mrs. Grouchy.

Because we all need grace. Especially from our spouse.

We’re in this together. Marriage is a team approach and when one is down the other is there to pick him up.

If we can’t extend unconditional acceptance and grace to a mate when they are occasionally out of sorts, then we really aren’t loving very well.

And this post is not intended to excuse outright, continually abusive behavior from a husband — or a wife — but just those moments when he says or does something he doesn’t mean. Today it may be his turn, tomorrow it may be you who’s stressed and snappy.

So when hubby’s wrestling with his demons, cut him some slack. Love bears all things and is patient and kind, not returning evil for evil.

Keep your attitude positive by not taking his mood personally. Whatever you do don’t get touchy.

Hold your tongue.

Pray. Pray some more.


Go the extra mile to do the little or big things that can help him out and show him you love him always, not just in his good moments.

And bake him chocolate chip cookies just because.

You are your husband’s life line at a time like this, standing in the gap for him, asking God to pour out grace to soothe his heart. And your’s.

Be your man’s encourager and give him some space, if that’s what he prefers. And then press into Jesus more than usual, seeing this as a lesson in loving under adverse conditions.

Enemy attack!

But beware. satan will try to lure you into the fray. his objective is for spouses to share a bad attitude back and forth, breathing fire, harming their union and nobody coming away unscathed.

It takes two to tango.

Jesus said it’s easy to love the lovely, but it’s when your spouse is acting disagreeably and unlovely that he — or she– needs more unconditional love, understanding and patience.

Agape. The Bible says they will know us by our love and that’s exactly how we want our spouse to feel.

Loved no matter what. Like God loves us.

And remember: This too shall pass.

You know your husband’s a loving, kind hearted, will-do-anything-for-you sweet soul. His crankiness gives you a chance to be Christlike under less than the best of conditions. Marriage is a classroom and a crucible where character is developed daily.

And at the end of the day, when hopefully his good humor has returned, you will lie down next to him counting your blessings.

Instead of his bad…

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9 thoughts on “What to do when your husband wears his cranky pants…

  1. Well said. We all need agape love and grace. We all have bad days and need others to give us grace, likewise we need to give others grace when they are having bad days.

  2. Thank you for this Sheila. A great reminder especially for those difficult times in marriage. I know for myself, learning to love well has been a process, and I appreciate the reminder of the cranky times being an “opportunity to learn to love under adverse conditions” instead of reciprocating with the same crankiness….guilty! Dropping by from Holley’s site and glad I did:)

    • Thanks, Heather. And truly, I write so many of these posts to REMIND ME! Or to process what God is trying to teach me. Thanks for stopping by and blessings overflowing right back to you and yours!

  3. This is such a great post to wives who are married to generally good men. Many good men aren’t given enough slack for being off their rocker one day.
    I think as a whole wives need to spend more time focusing on the good traits of their husbands rather than steadily recounting their bad ones. I think that would make a huge difference in relationships all over.