Marriage is more than the wedding day … What you need to know to make yours happy and lasting



We went to a wedding this weekend. And no matter that the rain came down hard, spirits soared.

Friends of ours — two hearts once broken when their mates breathed their last earthly breath — joined their lives as a brand new Mr. and Mrs.

And we couldn’t be happier for them!

For marriage is a gift.

And a privilege.

And a wedding reminds us that marriage brings one man and one woman together in loving companionship and grants them the responsibility of showing the world a shadow of the relationship between God and His bride of beloved believers.

That means it’s a lot more than white lace and promises. It’s a daily choosing to honor God by upholding your vows and living with your spouse in mutual respect, lots and lots of love, delirious delight, and trust in God.

And today’s post marries my words with my husband’s {in boldface} for like you and your husband, my Michael and me — we are in this together.


Marriage is a mirror.

God uses it to show you your own heart—both the good and the not-so-good! For not all the days of a lifelong marriage will be lovely. Some will be an opportunity for grace and personal growth as each one bends to accept their partner’s weaknesses.

Weaknesses can be wearying for husbands and wives and some moments you may not enjoy each other. Some days you might feel hurt or angry. Some days you can be so plain tired that you forget the real reason for marriage and opt to serve yourself instead of your mate first.

Then forgiveness will need to be offered and received as you keep holding each others hand and walking towards the future even though you have stumbled a step or two.

Remembering to always kiss and make-up before the lights go out.

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.
Ephesians 4: 26-27

And as my Michael says:

The principle of forgiveness will know no harder proving ground than in a marriage. Jesus was betrayed by a kiss from one of his family. We fare no better: the deepest wounds will come from those who are closest to our hearts. Yet forgive we must! Sincerely. From the heart.

For the answer to pain is not in distancing ourselves from its source. God chose to forgive each one of us through a terrible cost to himself. Our Savior, Jesus, was hung on a cross: nail-pierced hands, a crown of thorns. A back ripped open by the lash. His spirit weighed heavy to death by the weight of our sin. All God asks is that we echo his own great heart in ours by forgiving those who owe us so little by comparison. Couples must remain committed to forgiving each other without limit.

Anger must not be allowed to hold sway: the sun cannot go down on anger for this emotion is too deadly a foe to feed and still control. When the Lord reminds us that we are petting the dragon of anger we must let it go. You cannot hope to forgive whom you are still angry at. Couples can ill afford to shelter anger as a household pet.

TC Flowers

Marriage takes three to be successful. Jesus, Husband, Wife. Three in One in that order. Husband and wife equal in essence though different in function. Submitting first to Him and then to each other in the dance of life for all the years that He will give.

So rely on Him and trust in His Holy Word. Get to know the Jesus of the Gospels regardless of what doctrines you have learned even in the best of churches or from what your parents have taught you. Seek Him for yourself, laying aside any preconceived notions of who He is.

And after Jesus, choose each other next. And keep on choosing in order to maintain your connection.

Married couples need to continuously choose one another for in the face of trials natural affection can be all too fleeting. And this is why marriage begins with a promise that you need to return to over and over. In moments of conflict ascribe the best possible motives to your spouse’s heart.

Marriage takes grace.

Grace to overlook the little irritations. Grace to keep your mouth shut when you want to have your say or think your way is the only way. Grace to realize that you are no better than your spouse. Grace to realize that you cannot make it in marriage or in this really dark and hard world without The One who loves you best of all.

Marriage is a give and take. For heaven’s sake give much more than you take! But when your heart is wounded and empty you may have little good to offer so first fill up on Jesus and let Him heal you in the hurting places.

Marriage is hard work. Marriage is serving the other above yourself. Marriage is not for the lazy or the selfish or the proud.

Marriage is humbling and the place where kindness counts more than being right.

Marriage is remembering to appreciate, and share verbally, all your spouse is doing for you and the marriage even when you may think {erroneously} that you are doing more. Marriage is a great blessing, yet not without its share of troubles.

And marriage is your greatest earthly joy.

A picture of Jesus and all who truly follow Him. A union meant to last.

In marriage you have a best friend, a confidante, a partner, a lover, a co-parent, a playmate, a buddy…someone who will always be in your corner. Someone to count on when all others walk away. Someone to be your #1 cheerleader and fan. The one who will encourage you to be your best, but also accept you at your worst.

And will keep on loving you for love, like the wedding vow, is a choice.

TC Cupcakes

Marriage is a soft word spoken without a sound being uttered.

But beware of words and their power upon each other! The Bible tells us to limit our speech to that which is proper and good for the moment and benefits and builds up those who hear it. Elsewhere in God’s word we are warned of the prospect of our tongues being used to further the aims of hell. Couples must always be prepared to build each other up through sincere and gracious speech.

Marriage is a look across a crowded room that only the two of you understand. Marriage is some enchanted evening. Marriage is sharing private sillies and laughing your heads off at two in the morning! Marriage is a warm body next to yours all through the night making you feel safe and loved and secure. Marriage is a great big hug for no reason at all.

And marriage is a hand reaching for yours when you have messed up.

Wives – never for a moment forget to respect your husband as you love him. Mind your words, your tone, your facial expressions. God has placed him as your head. Not in a bad way, but to protect and provide for you and to love you all his life.

Husbands – Affectionately love your wife as you respect her. Understand, protect and care for her. Let your words be tender, she is the weaker vessel and you will be used by God to help heal her heart as she will be used to help heal yours. God has created her as your helpmate, yet she is your strong, good partner in life who will add much to your union.

Marriage is all these things and so much more that you discover each day along your journey together. It is the grandest of human adventures. Treasure the gift given in each other. Read your vows together regularly. Read scripture and pray together. Seek the highest good, always putting your spouse first, right after Jesus.

And love. Love a lot. Love well.

Love when you don’t feel like it. Love when it hurts.

Forget what the world says love is or the past poor examples from parents or your own poor choices and seek the author of Love and follow His example in the fours Gospels. Love is First Corinthians Thirteen. Love is God sending His son to take away our sins and die for us.

Most importantly, you must love one another! If you do everything else perfectly, if you forgive, honor, cast off your anger the moment it comes and if you speak only that which blesses your spouse yet do not love them with the love supplied you by God, you will miss the mark and lasting joy will escape you.

~michael & sheila

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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2 thoughts on “Marriage is more than the wedding day … What you need to know to make yours happy and lasting

  1. To quote Michael…
    “The principle of forgiveness will know no harder proving ground than in a marriage. Jesus was betrayed by a kiss from one of his family. We fare no better: the deepest wounds will come from those who are closest to our hearts. Yet forgive we must! Sincerely. From the heart.”

    I am grieved right now because of the state of my parents marriage. They have been married almost 45 years, but they are beyond miserable. The exact opposite of what they should be. Ignoring one another, attacking, bitter, spewing venomous words, pitting children against each other. Terribly sad.

    They do not have a marriage founded on Christ. They need Jesus! While I hope to not spread sorrow onto such a beautifully written post, I felt compelled to note the stark contrast seen in a marriage not centered in Christ, not focused on being one, not loving one another… So sad.

    I have been married for 25 years now, and am blessed to be joined with my best friend. Your co-effort is a beautiful picture of husband and wife working together in harmony. I am going to revisit this again and again.
    I am blessed beyond words and compelled to pray for those who do not now this type of marriage is possible(like my folks).

    • Thanks, Bekki, for taking the time to stop by and share your heart. Sad news about your parents and I join with you in lifting them up in this moment asking Jesus to touch their hearts for healing and restoration. It is good that coming from this background you and your husband have a God-honoring marriage. Keep it up and keep praying for mom and dad. Blessings to you!