When your marriage really hurts …

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Only His love will help two very imperfect, very broken, very overstressed individuals find the will to obey enough to choose to love regardless of feelings that fluctuate constantly.

For the truth remains that you made a vow to stand by each other for better and for worse. {But I am not talking about wives taking their husband’s abuse and believing God wants them to stay when it is unsafe for them or their children!}

And God puts people through fire to burn off the dross that is buried deep and can go for days simmering on the back burner.  God wants these toxins to come to the surface and bubble over so His Grace can wipe up the mess, ultimately making spouses stronger, more resilient, less touchy.

Love never fails is not just words. And God’s desire is that marriage reveals the mystery and intimacy of Christ and His true believers.

But sometimes love hurts and the hurts often manifest in marriage.

And you will always have a choice to act in the right, God honoring way regardless of how you feel.

That’s why it’s vital to bring your feelings under God’s control because feelings can lead to making wrong choices and acting in wrong ways.

And your mind finds it easy to listen to the lies.

Lies from long ago and lies from yesterday. Loveless lies someone else told you and lies you tell yourself. Sometimes over and over.


And sometimes is just seems so very messed up that partners feel they want to jump ship and dive into the swirling cesspool of statistics where one in two marriages fail.

How that makes satan happy.

I am sure Father shakes His head and it breaks His heart yet in His patient, unending, all-knowing love He understands that love is strengthened in fire.

For fire burns flesh.

And that really hurts when you are head over heels in love with yourself.

But God!

Our glorious good God, good King, good Daddy. Not like your daddy from when you were little, though.

Abba gives the freedom to be perfectly imperfect and preposterously awful sometimes yet He never stops loving you. He will never give up on you — or me –no matter how much one messes his or her diaper. He longs for us to become like Jesus.



And always morning light and new mercies tender that will reveal that nothing is unto death…except death and that is really the beginning of the best.

Whatever you are going through right now in your marriage remember…this too shall pass.

And marriage is never perfect and spouses the world over since time began can get so tired of so very much. And they just want to get away from each other and maybe even forget about each other.

And they may scream hateful words in the heat of moments evil. Sometimes they scream it and then demand apologies from others for perhaps saying similar things, yet never say they are sorry or wrong.

Hurling insults and calling names that bruise tender hearts and stick in the memory and pretty soon if someone tells you over and over that you are this or you are that, well you start believing that lie.

But you are not! You are a sinner saved. And Christ loves you even if you spouse checks out — figuratively or literally.

You will remain standing! You will not fall down when they leave for you stand with the One who holds you forever.

Never letting you go. Remembering you are just dust.

And the names He calls you are Beloved and Precious and Child.


It is not in the NOT fighting that a marriage is made strong.

A marriage grows deeper roots with every conflict FACED and RESOLVED. 

For marriage is not about perfection or about running away from problems. It is about meeting them in the strength and power of God no matter how poorly one’s efforts in that area.

Marriage is not about isolation but about oneness even when you do not like your spouse. {Cool off periods are needed however} but God’s admonition is not to go to bed angry. A powerful command that forces a man and a women to bend their will to HIS.

Marriage is about admitting one’s frailties and saying I’m sorry and sometimes saying I’m sorry more than once for the same issue. And you are not a failure even if you make the same mistake more than once. Not if you keep getting up and trying again. Growing stronger each time.

One day at a time.

And marriage is about knowing that a vow is a vow for a reason.

Marriage can be hard and it takes commitment and work to make it work year in and year out, day after dreary, discouraging day sometimes.

For in the working together for the common good of serving the Lord in your marriage two broken people become whole.

And holy.

With every choice to love a momentarily unlovable spouse — fully anticipating that same love in return when it is your turn to play the jerk. Not riding a high pony, waving a big stick and shouting in your spouse’s face.

Marriage is about humbly saying I was wrong.

I am sorry.

Would you please forgive me?

And asking forgiveness is different than merely apologizing.

Asking forgiveness is about humbling one’s heart…


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3 thoughts on “When your marriage really hurts …

  1. Marriage is definitely never perfect. So thankful that grace is part of it! We all need grace, and maybe most especially when we don’t think we do. Thanks for sharing wise truths, Sheila. May we all listen and practice them.

    Looks like the comment section is working right today! Several times in the past I’ve tried to leave a comment but couldn’t. Know that I reading along anyway.

    • Yes, grace! I don’t think we could breath without it!! And yes, our theme is old and we are in process of revamping site so the comment section has a mind of its own. Glad you got in today. And thanks for reading along…