When life wears your marriage down let God conduct a transformation…


So the dust has settled and we’re catching our breath.

After a whirlwind summer filled with family and the busyness of closing on the sale of our home — where I had lived for 22 years — and moving we are finally exhaling a bit, able to start sharing our stories again at Longings End.

For in the 31 days from signing contracts July 8 to closing we were non-stop go go go and there were moments when I felt I couldn’t go on, couldn’t do one more thing from one more list for one more minute.

I was bone tired.

And the second week into our new place flu caught up with me and my Michael with coughs that wouldn’t stop and fevers and aches all over.

Entire process has been wearying and it has nearly worn us out.

But grace!

And the strength God gives when we are weak. And sons with muscles who helped us move. And friends far and near praying and texting encouragement.



We are just about settled in except for some pictures to hang and as we breathe out slow we inhale the fullness of moments and blessings all new.

Our home sweet home is a second floor flat surrounded by farmland with a resident rooster who wakes our little corner of the world at 3:47 AM!!

Peacocks nearby sing a very unusual song sounding more like giant kitty cats than birds.

LLAMA - CopyAnd llamas at the farm next door are as curious and cute as can be.

And we count it all grace.

Ensconced in all this green with life — and our gratitude — spilling over, full and lush.





Our Hudson Valley haven has God’s fingerprints all over the rolling hillside and when we sit on the deck we almost feel perched in a tree house watching hummingbirds hum as they weave in and out of oak leaves.

And sometimes as the sun slips low we walk along the abandoned railway bed down the road a piece.

Careful, we step over gravel and rusty rails and rotting wooden ties and if I tilt my head I can almost hear the whistle blow.



But those rails worn down from trains clackety-clacking along the line year after year — iron pounding iron — got all used up until the line was abandoned.

Ensuing neglect brought decay.

And it made me think how husbands and wives get tired.

How feelings fray and marriages wear out from the poundings they take when two broken, empty people bump up against each other trying to fill.

Instead of filling their hearts with God.

We are to be iron sharpening iron but sometimes in marriage the sharpening is more molten and wedded hearts tired and fired-up blow off steam that scorches.

With words and actions that burn a husband’s heart. Or a wife’s.

Leaving wounds that disfigure the beauty of oneness and scars that mar marital unity.

And can deteriorate into divorce if left untended.

For when the pounding continues unabated day after day, year after gloomy year, hearts stop beating the way they used to. They close up and harden. And life beats up a marriage with stress and strife separating.

Vows turn to rust and spouses fail to remember their commitment to love and honor each other.

Husbands and wives forget that marriage means falling in love a million times over in the course of a lifetime together.

Marriage is hard work full of joy with the results directly attributable to the amount of energy invested.

But some men and women get so worn out that they believe the lie that they can’t go on, can’t breath new life into a marriage as old {or new} and hurting as theirs.

He gives up.

She gives up.

All because they stopped looking up.

All because they held their breath and hardened their hearts instead of leaning in and filling up with a fresh rush of Holy Spirit power.

We can’t do marriage, can’t do life, without heavenly assistance. We are all powerless. We are all broken.

But God!

He helps us see beyond the bills and late nights at the office and kids squabbling and temptations tempting and fights fearful.

He takes what is shabby, used, and almost abandoned and He makes all things new.

He can bring both hearts — if willing — to the point of laying down the pride and selfishness that wears away the love one careless choice at a time. And God, our good Father, the Creator of marriage, heals hurts and chases away fears that reside in hearts all bruised and broken.

Reviving a marriage worn out.

Then husbands and wives fall in line with their Maker and stop railing against each other.

And hearts humbled get back on track…


In the next few weeks Longings End will be getting a facelift. We’ll be updating our theme and design to better serve you. And we apologize for the current problem we are having regarding leaving comments on the post. Thank you to all who emailed to let us know! Please click over to our Longings End Facebook page and feel free to comment there in the interim. Thank you for your patience, understanding and grace. We love you!


I’ve been hurt and I’ve hurt others and if this post resonates at all with you, please let me use my past to assist you in growing into the beautiful woman God has created you to be. I want to give you my free eBook, Wounded Wife which is yours when you drop me an email at sheila at longings end dot com.

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4 thoughts on “When life wears your marriage down let God conduct a transformation…

  1. Well written and accurate. You’re so right that it is the gradual wear and tear and not looking up, not considering if all the striving is necessary to the bigger picture. In My 500, Charles who writes the Second Iron blog commented on this from a male perspective. Recently, based on reading C.S. Lewis and The Four Loves, I’ve been switching from “wife” to “friend” when things turn abrasive as they so naturally do at times in a busy life. It helps me out of the log jam. Great post. LOVED the gorgeous pictures.

  2. So glad for you both that God has met you with abundance grace and a beautiful place, much peace and rest to you both. Love your posts they always make me reflect on so many wonderful thing He has done in my life through the seasons of our journey here. Through the valley and up on the mountains He is go good to us, isn’t He ! Missed seeing you Sunday hope you are renewed and well soon

    • He really is meeting our needs above and beyond, Linda. It is lovely and mostly serene out this way. And YES, God is always there for us, always holding, leading, providing and most of all LOVING us with all that He is. We are so very blessed to be His. And thanks, I am making my way back to feeling better. Nasty little bug we picked up, but glad we are on the mend! See you soon. xxoo