When a mercurial wife keeps her husband on his toes… plus 6 tips for overcoming


He’s tiptoeing on egg shells. And him never knowing if you’ll wake up in a good mood.

Or a wicked one.

Never knowing what to expect, what might set you off next.

Exhausting for a man and not at all an endearing, wifely trait. Like a hen cackling, your complaining rarely ceases.

What makes you so unhappy, Mrs., that you seem to need to make him unhappy?

Thinking more of yourself than you do of your spouse. And treating your husband like he’s your whipping boy. And you so deep in your habit that you may not even realize how you sound.




From personal experience with unrestrained moodiness I believe that it all stems from a lack of love. Yet someone once told me to get my brain chemistry checked. But it wasn’t my brain, it was my heart, my choice.

And my choice was to sin.

Like me in the past, you don’t know how precious you are. How much God loves you. How you have great worth in His eyes.

And because you don’t know this love, you can’t give love. Not even to your children. Not really. Not in the healthy way that makes kids grow strong and launch into life limpless.

But maybe this is all you know, all you learned growing up, all you saw modeled at home. And this not knowing, and maybe never having been treated like you matter at all, makes you hurt and makes you sometimes mean like a junk yard dog.

Growling and biting and wanting everything perfect and there’s rarely peace in your home and your husband learns to keep quiet and keep the peace.

But that is no marriage. Not God’s kind of marriage.

And it is all sin and very wrong.

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Ephesians 5:21-24

raggedyAndy by Breadwig

But when you treat your husband like he’s a rag doll that you can toss about this way and that depending on how the wind is blowing, how you feel today, what your mood is like this morning, you are disrespecting his very soul.

And wounding your marriage. Sometimes irreparably.

Sure headaches and PMS, worries about money and sleepless nights can make a wife cranky, but it is still not an excuse to sin for God can help you exercise control over your wayward emotions. His grace is sufficient.

But you don’t respect God either! For whatever you do to the least of these you do to Him.

And you may say you love God, but if you dig a little deeper you will see that you really don’t. He’s not the Lord of your life.

You are.

And the love, peace and joy your heart was made for continues to elude for you are way out of line. Off balance.

But God.

Loving Father who keeps extending Himself to you over and over with multiple second chances to turn around, go another way. Because He loves you like crazy.

Follow His Way.

If you have trouble balancing your moods you may need a spirit-soul-body check up so start by spending time with the Great Physician.

He knows what ails you and He has the prescription for your healing.

He knows where you are wounded and where you are sinful. Where you hurt. And why you keep lashing out.

And God loves you just the same.

He sees the hole in your soul and hears you crying please love me.


His Father’s heart for you is extremely tender — even if your daddy’s heart never was.

And Jesus bids you come. If you still for a moment you will hear Him calling.

>> So surrender into His arms and let Him love you. Let Him love away your aches and the pain you cause your husband.

God can heal your heart and heal your marriage, making you, your husband and your children much happier.

As you grow holier.

And He has seen and heard you at your very worst but yet He loves you and will never leave you.

Rekindle your relationship with the Father who loves you like crazy by putting yourself in time-out. Find a quiet spot, even if only for a few moments each morning before your busy day begins, and pour out your heart to Him.

Beginning with “Forgive me Father for I have sinned.” And God forgives us in a heartbeat when our hearts are truly repentant and want to change.

>> Open a Bible to the Gospel of John. Read it each day for month asking God to reveal Himself to you in a new way making it very personal. For God is a God of relationship who knows everything about you including the number of hairs on your head. That’s no fairytale but the greatest love story ever told so embrace Truth as He embraces you and brings you to Life, real life. A life filled with love and great respect for your husband. And you feeling the love in return like you never have before.

>> Pray like you have never prayed before. All. The. Time. Keeping very close to the One who loves you best of all, the One who has good plans for your life and marriage. And listen more than talk during prayer! Pray that God softens your heart so you can ask His forgiveness. Pray that God gives you grace to forgive your daddy for hurting you or for never having been there for you, or to forgive other men and women that have wounded you along the way. Pray and ask God to give you compassion for others.

>> Forgive your dad. Or your mom or whoever it was that hurt you badly when you were little. Or maybe when you were a little older like that ex-boyfriend you just won’t forget. Really forgive them and let it go. Remember that God is not like your parents or the last man you dated. Seek to see your dad or your mom or your ex as a wounded spirit child just like you. I have seen in my life that as I open my heart in love to understand where another person has been or how they have been hurt, it allows me an opportunity for deeper forgiveness, grace and understanding. And God says that we must forgive in order to be forgiven. Keep in mind that we are all — at least most of us — broken down, worn out and crying inside for someone to just love us the way we are. Our parents probably had wounded child hearts too and they did the best they could. But you can do better! With God’s help. He loves you right now no matter how ugly you may act, not even if you say you don’t believe in Him. He does love you! And He will never leave you.

But your moodiness is damaging your marriage. And teaching your children all wrong and giving them a weaker start in their own lives.

>> Start giving yourself in service to others beginning with your husband. As you do unto others you will stop thinking so much about yourself. Try forgetting yourself for one hour a day to begin with and look outward instead of inward. Stoop lower in humility to serve your husband and family instead of wanting to be served. It is better to give than to take. And this is the beginning of obedience. With obedience comes joy. And forgetfulness of a past that makes you so angry and sad, hurting you body and soul. But as your soul prospers so will your body and you may see those headaches lessening, PMS taming and sleep becoming sound.

>> Enlist the help of a mentor or go for counseling. Talk to her and tell her how angry you are. She can help you see that the root of your anger is really your hurts, those deep places wounded long ago that you have built a wall around. You determined that no one will ever hurt you again, but your wall keeps the love out and so you are needy and miserable, just like I once was. But with humility comes healing and a healer worth her salt will not condemn you, she will love you, understand your weaknesses, and in wisdom lead you to higher ground.

As you practice doing the right things in love for a God who loves you eternally — and a husband who loves you so much he puts up with you — you will grow holier, becoming like Christ.

And in this your heart will find what it has long searched for…


Raggedy image credit


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2 thoughts on “When a mercurial wife keeps her husband on his toes… plus 6 tips for overcoming

  1. A timely word of wisdom for me, Sheila. Convicting, and so, so true… may I be reminded how much the Great Physician loves me, and allow myself to be more and more convicted by his word.
    Bless you for your healing words, straight from the Father.