When a wife lets her heart wander…Part One in Affairs of the Heart series

So you’re working a job, trying to help make ends meet, but you’re at the end of your rope in your marriage.

Your emotional love tank is bone dry and you’ve got a bone or two to pick with the one whose missing rib you are.

And you’re not even sure you still love him, or if you ever did. Maybe walking down the aisle you had second thoughts but went through with it anyway. And over time you just let your relationship slip away.

Until one of your 9 to 5 days brings a stranger into your world and sets your heart spinning in a single second.

Catching your wayward breath you feel yourself warming as he shakes your hand introducing himself as the new team member.

From a distant place inside your head you hear a voice utter a single sentence: This is the one you were supposed to marry.

And that’s it.

You take the bait and plunge in, dipping a toe at first because the better part of you knows this is wrong.

Yet you can’t avoid working together. Closely.

Suddenly the projects that have bored you are a blast. You no longer complain about working late. Flirtation turns to friendship. You thrill at how this other man talks to you and seems so interested in your every thought and word.

You relish feeling like a woman wanted. You spring out of bed eager to get to the office and to him, the other man in your life. Dressing for success takes on a whole new meaning as you take extra care with your appearance as if clothing could ever make a woman beautiful.

But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.
1 Peter 3:4

Attraction is impurely mutual. He is as empty in his marriage as you are.

Attention he should be lavishing on his wife he is paying to you creating a great debt of sin. It’s all a bunch of lies marketed seductively by the father of lies to make you believe it’s true, the real thing, the element missing with your mate.

And two more wounded, needy hearts choosing to serve self instead of God don’t hear truth when temptation tantalizing calls loudly.

So you forget about your husband, the father of your babies, easily overlooking all that is good in him. He’s the strong, silent type who works himself morning till night just to make the mortgage and keep food in your bellies.

But he isn’t nearly as attractive or romantic as Mr. Office Hunk.

He doesn’t bring you flowers anymore or stay up late in bed just to pillow talk. Maybe he’s all worn from slugging it out in the world’s wicked arena and with trying to please a wife unsatisfiable.

And unholy.

Long ago you and him, the one whose name you share, stopped caring and went into auto pilot day after dreary day, year after year full of yearning. Going through the motions and going nowhere, forgetting to nurture and protect your union.

You and your husband forgetting about the One who loves you both best of all, the Creator of marriage, the defender of the family. And about how a good marriage between a man and a woman brings honor to God and hope to the world.

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

And the path you have chosen — the wide, wild way — only leads to destruction but you can’t see it coming because being with this other man at work fills you, meets you in the place where your marriage is MIA, or maybe a complete mess.

Each day you edge closer to the abyss telling yourself you won’t fall completely into an affair. Maybe your dalliance never goes beyond flirtation and friendship and you convince yourself it’s really not wrong. And anyway, your husband seems to live his own life without you.

And you’ve been lonely too long. Hurting so bad with an ache inside that won’t go away.

All you want is to be loved. But the love that waits for you can’t be received because you slammed shut the door to the One Lover who can truly satisfy your soul forever.

Whether you realize it or not you are already having an affair for you have given your heart that belongs solely to your husband to another man.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a {man} woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28

Yet it all feels so good and you don’t want to let go.

You pump the brakes sometimes and feel dirty around the edges but brush it off like so much dust swirling in the dessert of your heart all dry.

Wrapped tight in your own desires and pain and sin you wander in a wilderness that has claimed countless others before you. You can’t hear the gentle Holy Spirit whispering to your heart. You shrug off His nudge numbing yourself to Love that can save you.

Illicit tryst continues just like your excuses and justifications and your marriage slowly melts down until the core is exposed.

And it’s all empty save for a vow long ago made and hanging by a thread.

Then maybe one day your husband finds out.

Maybe friends saw you and the other man out to lunch, leaning a little too close, laughing a bit too familiarly. Or maybe your husband finds emails exchanged between you and your lover, for that other man has become your lover even if he has never laid a finger on you.

Perhaps one day this other man at work gets a new job and leaves you saying he won’t be contacting you anymore. You thought what you had with him was real.

Or maybe his wife finds out and the mess blows up in your face.

And the enemy scores.

What remains are regrets and maybe the beginning of repentance and you can’t shake the feeling that a scarlet letter A is scrawled upon your breast.

Adultery of a heart gone hard and cold.

And stone upon stone severs the love line connection you once had with Christ. A long time ago. Before life got hard and dull and dreary. Before you decided to check out and do life your own way.

Only the scarlet shed blood of Christ can remove your sinful stain.

Now you suffer from what you wrongly think is lost love and you spend hours pining for a man who was never yours to begin with.

You are suffering — the consequences of having lost your First Love, pain of sin going deeper, taking much and affecting others more than you realized when first you stepped off the path.

Your heart aches for the other man but it is over. You feel ashamed, guilty and sadder than sad. You are confused, angry, fearful, hurting. You feel hopeless, lost and very alone.

Two marriages stand on the brink in shambles. And satan hisses gleeful.

Soul screeching with pain you wonder if there is hope of ever healing…

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12 thoughts on “When a wife lets her heart wander…Part One in Affairs of the Heart series

    • Wisdom. For when we stop investing in our marriages, when we start to think of all that we perceive is wrong in our spouse instead of thanking God for all that is right and good, we can easily go broke, losing it all. 🙁

  1. Our marriages are so worth fighting for. I think it’s in the little things. Because when you are making a hubby-favorite for the evening meal it ‘s hard to be mad. And when he’s helping with dishes, it’s hard not to laugh at the way he stacks the dishes he’s (supposedly) drying. Just little things that keep us from the path you’ve written so beautifully about. ~Pamela

  2. Satan has been attacking marriages since this beginning. We must be vigilant to protect it, to guard our hearts and minds. Giving our hearts away is a slow thing, therefore we must make sure we are grounded in Christ and not wandering where we shouldn’t.

  3. Thank you for an important post showing how this can happen not only in the work place but also in the church. We have seen it happen when thoughts turn into action and lives are ruined. Thank you for sharing your interesting post with us here at “Tell Me a Story.” http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/