Wounded marriage…Unpacking baggage when the honeymoon’s over


What is healing if not love overcoming whatever in us is not love?
~Michael Kimball

Riddled with wounds from injuries both self-inflicted as well as blows levied by others — some intentional, some not — can leave us in self-absorbed slavery.

This makes it even easier to sin. Or keep on sinning.

And we spiral down lower as our pride climbs higher taking others along our crash course and everything seems beyond repair and in our frustration in our marriages we may say things like:

I’m done.

I want out.

This will never work.

I want a divorce.

And maybe we do leave the marriage that we think is the cause of so much of our pain. For awhile our new found “freedom” seems irresistibly delicious and we revel in doing whatever we want whenever we want, no one’s heart to consider but our own.

But then we get lonely for God has created us for relationship with Himself and each other.

Perhaps we start dating again, looking for love, maybe even finding what we think will make us happier this time with a person who has the attributes lacking in our former spouse.

And for a season the honeymoon seems bliss.

But when at last we begin to unpack our bags full of dirty laundry — all that rotten, stinking stuff we keep hidden deep inside us —  and settle into married life with it’s need for self-sacrifice, hefty emotional workload and daily routine that can easily seem like drudgery when the heart attitude is amiss, we discover that all the old problems of the marriage ended have come with us into the new.

Casting shadows long and deep.

Often when couples split over irreconcilable differences, or satan’s favorite reason — I just don’t love him the way I used to — nothing changes and new marriages also end because the real root of the problem is us.

And the heart of a hurting marriage has two sides — hers and his.

And both sides suffering. Sometimes one seems worse than the other but Jesus sees into our hearts and sin is sin.

Injured individuals who walk down the aisle can only produce a wounded marriage.

And with half-selves striving for control — instead of better-halves laying down on the altar abandoning selfishness to better serve their spouse — the union forged unwhole and unholy will never be happy until at least one half of the partnership steps away from its own throne and ask the Lord of Love to show them the Way.

While marriages more quickly become what God wants them to be when both husband and wife are working in unison, even one spouse purposing to more intimately know and follow the Risen Lord improves the odds for a struggling marriage.

And from the ash heap may come healing when at least one heart humbles to get things started.

Will you be the heart that humbles?


Another post you may find helpful:  Under His wings

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