When we love our kids, we let them go to find their lives…Day 15



So we think we can make things happen.

That we have this power to direct our kid’s lives, strapping them into their car seats like when they were little and driving them where we wish.

But all we are doing is driving them away.

For if we look honestly at ourselves we will see that we can’t even direct our own lives. Crashing and burning far short of the way He wants us to live.

Forsaking the Way of Love.

Love that lived to die so that we might be free to love.

And when we freely love others, we hold them with an open hand, letting them go to pursue God’s will for their lives or to learn lessons the hard way.


But we can’t do this when we don’t trust God enough to let go and let Him direct a son or daughter’s life. While we may have been the ones who held them close, tucked them in and prayed for them ever since their 40 weeks in our womb, it was He who cradled us as we sang them to sleep.

Yet we stubbornly seek to control their lives, even after they have left the nest, as if we have that right, forgetting God’s conversation with Job.

Who is this that obscures my plans
    with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
    I will question you,
    and you shall answer me.

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand.
Who shut up the sea behind doors
    when it burst forth from the womb…?

Have you ever given orders to the morning,
    or shown the dawn its place…?

Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades?
    Can you loosen Orion’s belt?

Can you raise your voice to the clouds
    and cover yourself with a flood of water?

Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
    Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?
From Job 38

Dearest Father, help us remember we are so very puny.

And whether we are trying to direct our spouse, a business associate, a friend or our adult child, we are wrong.

We are the ones sinning as we operate in fear-based control.

And it won’t matter how many words we use trying to rationalize for it is pride that sets us above God.


At the end of the day we come up empty in the Love department. And everything we did, thinking it was done in love, will burn away as absolutely nothing.

And I don’t ever want to hear Him say, I knew you not, be gone. Do you?

Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’
Matthew 7:21-23

So then why keep playing God as if we have the answers to the Big Picture, with God a teeny, tiny extra in the script of  life? And Him incapable of running the universe without our machinations to secure the end that we believe is best?

More’s to pity in us, especially if we claim His name and sing His praise. The truth is we cannot let go because we don’t really know Love.

And then we live afraid, often hooting and hollering and making a big stink.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

Lord help us in our fearful imperfections that have slipped in the back door when we have been hurt.

Either by sinful choices that cost us dearly, the ones we have a hard time forgiving ourselves for.

Or maybe someone else sinned, and we felt they let us down, and it broke our heart.

Truth is we all sin plenty along the rocky roads we travel, falling into sink holes of life altering mistakes, but we can’t live in the past, fearing the present or the future.

What if the very situation we seek to control is exactly what God knows someone needs in order to become more like His son, Jesus?

As we step back we will be changed, becoming more like Jesus, too. And that is where our focus needs to be.


Lord, please change me. Please heal me. Please teach me how to love.

Praying this prayer is a giant step forward where grace will abound, even when God’s blessings come wrapped all ugly, cutting our hearts {or our children’s} as we tear off the wrapping in a hurry to find what we are searching for.

Grace Amazing.


Sharing our story with someone per God’s direction and for His glory{not telling them what we think they should do with their lives} is wise and good when done with His heart, speaking truth in humility and love.

Lots and lots of love.

Then letting go and loving anyway, even as our faithless fears taunt, with wounds limping.

Choosing love over condemnation and control, and building relationships instead of tearing them down like some reality show gone rabid. And God will work His will in the life of the one we love so much we would die for them.

Only we won’t die for grace will hold our hand as we stand by watching and waiting.

Beloved, God has not given us a spirit of fear but love, power and a sound mind.

So we must stop acting crazy, spinning out of control as we lust for control.

Releasing our vise grip and running to the mighty tower of refuge, trusting Him for all the outcomes.


His word tells us what is right and good pointing us in the direction of what is best, yet we so often go our own wayward way, forsaking the Way.

And He lets us have our way, even though His is so much better.

For God loves us in complete freedom and He is not in a rush.

Knowing we are prone to wander, He nudges us back to the path never forcing His will on us or making threats. He keeps loving us no matter what.

Love trumping everything.

And Love allows us to learn from natural consequences, which as a parent must surely hurt His heart as we squirm and struggle from our sins when it could have been avoided, His redemptive love letting us writhe if that is what it takes.

And He loves our babies more than we ever could. And He is Father who knows best what they {and we} need.

He never sleeps nor slumbers and sees the end from the beginning.

So may we examine our own hearts, confessing blackness revealed when we humble, wanting to change. And then let’s walk new in the way of Love and leave others to do the same.

Relaxing into the arms that hold the world.

And letting go…


Today’s post is Day 15 of a #31days series called First comes Love…

All the posts in the series can be found here. And so you don’t miss a single one, please subscribe here.

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4 thoughts on “When we love our kids, we let them go to find their lives…Day 15

  1. Love the pictures, love the words, appreciate the truth! As the mother of adult children, I am learning, and learning and relearning to leave them in His Hands and to let Him work at His pace, not mine.

    • You and me both, Debbie. Saying such a big AMEN to that. Letting go of our babies is hard and He patiently works with us in His great love for us as He pries our fingers loose, cutting all the apron strings. He is such a good Dad…and He enables us to be better moms to our grown up babies. Thanks so much for stopping by…