When you’re sorry you didn’t save sex for marriage…

Cape Ann MA

Making it to the honeymoon without the guilt of premarital sex was the best wedding present Michael and I could have given each other.

And the waiting, the holding each other at arms length, was all new for us after many years of struggle and stupidity in the realm of relationships.

I am so glad we finally got it right.

Many times during these past two years of marriage I have thanked God for giving us the strength to keep our hands off each other. Though our courtship was brief — only 47 days — it was pure.

And pure is a perfect way to begin the hard work of a lifetime marriage.

SAILBOAT Copyright 2013 Sheila Kimball

But I also know what it feels like to be burdened with the shame of premarital sex. I have felt the pressure of trying to hide my sins in the shadows in the hope others wouldn’t find out. We are as sick as our secrets.

I hated feeling dirty before God, and it troubles me terribly when I let Him down in anyway — a heart attitude that is off or a tone that is not as respectful as it could be.

How much worse I felt when the strain to my soul was from sexual sin.

I had failed Him.

The Perfect One who loves us so much He bled out so you and I might live free.

The Father Forgiver who is so merciful and full of grace no matter what we do.

The Healer who longs for us to change, sometimes applying pressure to get our attention.

And until we truly understand in the secret chambers of our heart how deeply He loves us, we will not change. And sin’s vice grip will squeeze the life out of us until we get truly sick and tired of our sin and ask for His help.

So if you are sorry for your sin, if you are convicted and contrite over not having saved sex for marriage, there is hope.

There is hope every minute of everyday with the God who loves us like crazy and keeps on loving us when we act out all crazy. He does not carry a wooden ruler with which to slap our wrists.

When we are truly sorry and seriously want to change our life for the better and please God more, He will go to the ends of the universe He created to extend grace and help.

It is never too late to do things God’s way and reap the rewards of obedience.

SILVER CLOUD Copyright 2013 Sheila Kimball

As 2009 came to a close, I ended an unholy romantic relationship and hit a low point. I began reassessing my life in view of God’s will for me. And I saw how far I had fallen from the mark. I needed to change.

With an extended time off to exhale {I was unemployed for 9 months} I spent many hours in prayer, taking long walks with the Lord, and pouring my heart out to Him. Reading and re-reading scriptures. Journaling. Seeking forgiveness and rebuilding my relationship with Him.

And then I fell to my knees.

Father, forgive me. I know what I have done. My words, thoughts and actions have not honored you. I am sorry for the sexual sins I committed. I want to live my life to please you in every way, especially where relationships are concerned. By your grace, I will. Thank you, Lord.

I longed to marry again.

This time for keeps with His man in His time and in His way. Yet I also realized that I might remain single for the rest of my days so I needed to make peace with that, too. For the next 18 months I was single, without even a single date, content to trust God with whatever might come next. Yet lonely and longing for a lifelong companion. Until God, in His romantic and mystical way, brought my Michael and me together.

While I can honestly say that it is a tremendous blessing to wait, there is hope if you haven’t.

  • Humble yourself before God and simply say you are sorry, from your heart.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

  • Share your secret with someone you trust. This was hard for me because I worried what my Christian friend would think of me. She covered me with unconditional grace and love. Thank you, my friend!

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
James 5:16

  • Change your ways. Remove yourself from the distraction or temptation. Don’t look to meet a guy in a bar after you’ve had one too many drinks. Put a filter or lock on your computer so pornography cannot be accessed. If you are having sex with your partner, even though you are in love with them and planning to marry, stop and get married, or don’t see them alone anymore until after you have exchanged vows.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
Colossians 3:5

  • If you are already married, yet feel weighed down for failing to wait to have sex, ask and you shall receive. If your heart is truly sorry YOU ARE FORGIVEN the nanosecond you ask! What’s done is done. Now forgiven, it is under the blood of Jesus Christ and you can let it go. You are free to forget your past. Then seek your partner’s forgiveness, sharing any regrets or resentments you harbor. Release those resentments, let your partner or spouse off the hook {you made the choice, too} forget like God does, and allow new actions to bring your words to life. Like a golden balm of Gilead, this will sooth your soul and heal your heart, making your marriage or future marriage better.

For I will forgive their wickedness
    and will remember their sins no more.
Hebrews 8:12

You will again have compassion on us;
    you will tread our sins underfoot
    and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
Micah 7:19

  • Give your word to God that you want to live for Him in His way. Spend more time in reading and thinking over His Word. Memorize scriptures that will strengthen you. Pray like you never have before. And trust that Jesus is on your side.

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:57

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1

ROCK and TREE Copyright 2013 Sheila Kimball

We may not be able to go back and undo the things we did, BUT we can walk forward in newness of life. Life dripping with love and joy and peace. Life in each moment of now, and all the moments yet to be.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
2 Corinthians 5:17

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

And it will be good…

~sheila

 

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18 thoughts on “When you’re sorry you didn’t save sex for marriage…

  1. Reading 1 John 1:9 brought tears to my eyes. I was coerced into having sex when I was 15, my first boyfriend told me that if we didn’t now then he couldn’t be with me anymore. I said yes, and then as soon as his part touched mine I said “no, no, no. please stop.” I cried for him to stop. He didn’t and wouldn’t and I’ve felt guilty ever since. I’ve tried to convince myself that it was rape, and even told my husband that it was…but I can’t shake the feeling that I said “yes” before I cried “no.” I don’t know what God thinks of it. But, it took me a long time to ask for forgiveness. I don’t think that I truly started to forgive myself until recently. I still don’t know if it was my choice or if it was forced upon me, but I’m not sure if that matters. I’ve sinned in so many other ways that having premarital sex(rape or not) seems like small potatoes. I’m just so thankful and grateful that God forgave me. That Jesus’ work on the cross covers all sin, past, present, and future. That it’s not of ourselves but a free gift that we can receive. It is so comforting.

    Thank you so much for this post. Sorry for the glimpse into my past… but, I am forgiven.

    Check out my blog at:

    dreamingofperfect.weebly.com

    • Sweet, sweet Hannah. I am so sorry. Your story has touched my heart deeply. I remember carrying guilt over many of my sins for a long time, burdened heavily with my heart dragging on the floor. But here is truth, my sister, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.Romans 8:1

      While you, like me, may not have made the best possible choices, WE ARE FORGIVEN and SET FREE from it. YAY!! We cannot change our past, but we sure can make our future’s shine brightly for Him through our loyal obedience. And as we share our stories and all the lessons we learn in the moments of our life, we can help another be set free-er and understand how deep and far and wide is the love of God for us.

      And I think if Jesus was standing with you right now He would stretch out His arms that painfully hung on that cross and He would scoop you to His heart, whispering in your ear, “I LOVE you, my precious daughter Hannah. It is finished! And you are made righteous, so let it go and remember those sins no more because I don’t!

      Blessings upon blessings to you and your family!

  2. Hi Sheila–Lovely to meet you. Stopping over from #TellHisStory. Thanks so much for sharing yours. Yes, always hope, always grace. And no, never does he meet us with a wooden ruler in hand. Abundant blessings to you in your new marriage.

  3. Thanks so much, Sheila, for being real and sharing your struggles as well as triumphs through Christ. I hope and pray this message will bring truth, healing and hope to those who’ve wandered away into sexual sin. Jesus is the Great Redeemer. You and your handsome husband are proof of God’s handiwork in a life surrendered to Him. Thanks also for linking this up at Wedded Wed. Hugs to you!

    • Thank you for such kind words, Beth. And I echo that hope and prayer. Only by God’s priceless grace are we where we are today, with each other and in a very good marriage. We praise and thank Him for that everyday! {And I thank God that my Michael’s IS easy on the eyes, too!} Sending hugs and kisses to you, my friend.

  4. So glad that He forgives and that after so much sin and darkness He led me into light. When my husband and I were brought together we knew we had to “wait” and God has blessed our obedience abundantly!

  5. This was a beautiful heartfelt post. Thank you so much for sharing it so specifically. I stopped over from Be Simply Better’s linkup on Friday. You have blessed me.

  6. Beautifully written. Thank you for being so honest & transparent. Blessing in your Marriage! Found you through SITS.

  7. Sheila, thanks for your transparency and encouragement. Grateful to God for His grace in all circumstances and for sisters like you who exhort us with love and genuine concern for our souls.