When the clouds begin to clear…{Lenten series, part three}

DUCK Copyright 2013 Sheila Kimball

GRAY 1 Copyright 2013 Sheila Kimball

GRAY 2 Copyright 2013 Sheila Kimball

Gray 3 Copyright 2013 Sheila Kimball

I spread honey on a slice of sprouted grain toast in a house that’s dark and empty and quiet. The day is all cold drizzle outside and my heart feels damp, too. I lick my fingers for the honey has made them sticky and wonder if my heart will get unstuck as easily.

And a dark funk sits with me imposing on my silence and solitude, and nothing seems quite right. Questions spin in my mind like tops gone mad and I tell myself it’s probably a bunch of things all bundled together that weigh on me.

Perhaps it’s the doldrums from working at home, missing colleagues? Or a shoulder that still gets sore and throbs when I overuse it? {rotator cuffs take forever to heal} Maybe it’s the stress of trying to earn enough tent making to pay the bills while we chase our God given dream? Or could it be the weather as winter hesitates to yield its grip to the new life of spring?

Whatever it is, muse slumbers and words stall like a fog that hangs forlornly on the horizon. And I really want a strong cup of Irish Breakfast tea. And a piece of dark chocolate. And I realize the comfort these substances give me. But I resist the urge and remind myself that there is no substance on earth that can comfort my heart the way the Spirit can.

Yet the house is chilly and I am only half convinced that I will survive without a cup of tea and I wonder if anything I write today will make sense?

But it is the writing filtered through faith that helps me interpret life and love. And as the words inside begin to spill, somehow I start to fill warm and I feel His hand upon my shoulder. And my fingers fly and my heart races and I remind myself that this too shall pass so just do the next thing.

And the next thing, the only thing to do, is to set my face like flint towards Him.

Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
    I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
    and I know I will not be put to shame.
Isaiah 50:7

The same way He set himself to the work of the cross and His passion for us was His shed blood.

Now as the days before he should be taken back into Heaven were running out, he resolved to go to Jerusalem, and sent messengers in front of him. They set out and entered a Samaritan village to make preparations for him. But the people there refused to welcome him because he was obviously intending to go to Jerusalem.
Luke 9:51-53

Jesus lay down His life at Calvary with an iron will to obey the Father no matter the cost or how He felt. If we are His we must do the same, ignoring stinking thinking that brings us down and feelings that are highly inaccurate at times. In those moments of weakness we cling to the words of truth and in so doing defeat the enemy who is always nipping at our heels.

So words come and the clouds begin to clear for whatever the weather the Son always shines. But I will only see Him when I choose with my will to open the blinds and let light in…

~sheila

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10 thoughts on “When the clouds begin to clear…{Lenten series, part three}

  1. This Easter season reminds me we are not alone in our Spiritual Warfare. Christ knows what it feels like. Yet He kept His eyes on the “joy set before Him”. That joy wasn’t the cross but the Resurrection! We can hope that we have Victory in Him! He came to finish the tasks God gave Him. God has given each of us tasks to…not to work at, but to FINISH!

    That motivates me to keep moving forward!

    Great post.

  2. I love the pictures especially the first one. The words were inspiring as we wait for Spring to come it can be so hard to enjoy our time in Winter. However, God is in all season as your post stated.

  3. oh friend, thank you for reminding me that the light comes from him… so important to remember in these dreary months. bless you.

    • You’re welcome, Emily. And I wanted to tell you that your Blogging Resolutions served like a doula as I labored with doubts and dreariness, pushing out a post! 5. never not write out of fear of not having anything to say, but trust God will provide the words even as i sit down and type. But as I just wrote, the words came. He is ever faithful. Thank you…

  4. I have been pondering the suffering of Christ this Lent and how truly heroic it was that he came still despite knowing all the bad that was to happen.