Hidden in my heart…

While cleaning and weeding through the possessions of a lifetime all accumulated in these four walls that hold stories like secrets, I came upon a packet of index cards dating to 1987.

That was the year I fell to my knees and cried out for help.

And back then I really didn’t know who I was crying out to or what I really needed. I only knew that I was a very unhappy young woman.

I’ve come a long way by His grace and His faithfulness. Him always gently leading my seeking and sometimes wandering heart.

As I clutched the cards for a moment, I saw some were tattered, stained and even scribbled on by little boy fingers. And worn from handling as over and over the words of His Word ran past my lips until they settled down deep inside my heart.

Words hidden, ever ready when I needed them. These verses so precious carried me through a series of intense, life altering hardships over many years.

Like a packet of little love notes, hand picked by the Hand that holds me, they trace God’s Hand in the forming of the life of one of His daughters.

And of how He used the dark times to draw me closer than ever to Himself.

With verses like buoys that kept my head above water as waves crashed and storms swirled in every direction.

How His Word breathed new life into me when heartbreak hurt so bad I could barely breathe, and the jagged edge pieces of my broken heart littered the floor.

A heart that has learned, with no small amount of stumbling and rebellion of its own, to surrender to the Lord God, King of the Universe.

Flipping through these verse cards I noticed that the dates fall off the year I went to work full-time, when my youngest was a young teenager.

And for a period of a few years, I stopped regularly making cards and more importantly, memorizing God’s Word on a consistent basis.

And it was to my own detriment with poor choices as a result. And worse still, a gradual drifting from the Light.

Until driving home late from work, numbed by a day spent in the world cold and full of dark shadows, I started sobbing.

Wondering why I could not hear God the way I had earlier on when life was one twirling tumult after another and I had clung to Him with all my hope as if my life depended on it. {It did! And it does!!}

Why I felt so distant from Him.

Why scripture seemed so dry.

Why I felt hopeless and alone.

And I realized that I was running my life ragged in a world where right is wrong and wrong is tolerated.

I had stepped out of the Light and in the dark lost sight of the prize, priorities all askew.

See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. As has just been said:

“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion.”
Hebrews 3: 12-15

Through my sobs He whispered. Psalm 51.

Seeking forgiveness for making Him anything less than first place in my life, I begged Him to restore unto me the joy of my salvation.

And He did. Because He is faithful.

But it took a long time for me to get back up to speed.

And He sent my hero, Dearest Husband, whose love, faithfulness and steadfast devotion to the one true God has helped me grow by leaps and bounds again. So that my heart once more can leap when a verse leaps off a page of the Bible and quickens the beating of my heart.

A heart that will first and forever belong first to the Lover of my soul. A heart once more pulsating and alive. Real.

And it’s been like falling in love all over again.

And the words of the ancient love letter from the Ancient of Days makes a heart brand new, or rubs away the tarnish until it sparkles all sterling. And the words are words of life, teaching us how to live each day in love.

I don’t ever again want to miss out on all this luscious, lovely goodness that is Him and His plans for me.

So help me, God…

He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 1 Corinthians 1: 8-9




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2 thoughts on “Hidden in my heart…

  1. I stumbled upon your blog from randomly searching for ”hidden in my heart” which is the titile for Scripture Lullaibes’ Scripture-based lyrics. You put my heart’s content today very beautifully. I just had an emotional breakdown because I failed to show Him that I love Him, I failed to listen to the conviction of Holy Spirit. Now that I have asked for forgiveness (and I believe I’m forgiven), I have decided to daily memorise 1 new verse, thanks for your inspiration!

    • As we confess our sins to Him, and to each other, He hears our broken hearts and He does indeed forgive us, Sharon. I am sorry for your pain, but so thankful it has lead you back to your First Love. And we do indeed get all broken down when we stop looking up and listening. God bless you as you tuck His words tender deep within your heart…and may we all learn to listen better, and the first time! All His love to you, dear Sharon. Thank you for taking the time to post a comment. Knowing that the words He gave me, blessed you, gives me great encouragement!