When arrows fly…{or how words hurt and the only thing that heals a heart is love}

Poison words cut deep.

Aimed at the juggler from someone dearly loved, and they stop me in my tracks for a moment.

Verbal tidal wave knocking me off kilter before I remind myself it’s cyclical.

So I pull back.

And in love redraw boundary lines.

Again.

A  lifetime of pent up anger, unforgiveness, immaturity, selfishness and fearful control expressed rapid fire. And it will take some time to repair trust when consistently broken during fits of fury.

Earlier days, I’d shoot off my own evil arrows until I started to understand that my heart needed mending and two wrongs never make anything right.

And hurt people, hurt people.

And my meanness, my sin hurts The One who loves me best of all.

Because of Him, in this present moment of dark assault, I share the only words that come to mind.

I will always love you. God bless you with peace.

But there is no winning, only increased amounts of blackest bile.

Part of my heart has grown numb to this situation after too many verbal or virtual lashings. And I cry out to God how do I best love someone who can’t seem to receive the love?

And how do I set loving boundaries in the midst of it all as they thrash about, wallowing in wretchedness?

No amount of explaining will ever satisfy a heart that chooses to believe the lies of the enemy of our souls.

No amount of kindness or concern will ever be received by someone bent on extracting a pound of flesh for every ounce of pain experienced in life.

No amount of extending forgiveness will register in a heart that refuses to forgive others. Or possibly be forgiven oneself.

Will my love ever reach this heart when apparently His has not yet been fully received?

And I leave it in His hands for Father truly knows best when it comes to matters of the heart. After all He is the author of love and the One who knows us better than we know ourselves.

He is the One that changes a heart, not us. We cannot even change ourselves let alone another.

And He is the One that stands by us, holding us through the storms and loving us like crazy even when we act like spoiled brats.

Because as we walk through this life on earth, we all get wounded. People hurt us, disappoint us, betray us, ridicule us or walk away. And sometimes they do even worse…

And in our anger over these wounds, we can choose to sin. If we dig deeper by God’s grace, we unearth the root of our anger such as fear, hurt or disrespect.

We can hold onto the pain and unforgiveness, letting it fester black inside us while we grow all gnarly and ugly. And our hearts hurt even more, and then we’ll get angrier still and lash out again…and again…and again.

Cycles.

Repeated.

Expecting different results that never come.

Insanity.

And one day we may find ourselves old and all alone.

Bitter water’s are not pleasant…and flies prefer honey over vinegar. And all who try to share love with our crusty old selves will go…

Unless there is Jesus.The Only One who can give us a new heart.

Though wounded, we can grow wiser and change our lives for the better as we seek healing in Him.

And He does it with Love.

Loving us when we are at our worst, our best and everything in between.

Love Eternal, the most powerful force in the universe. Nothing will ever separate us from His love.

But first, we must humbly step out of denial or pride, and surrender it all to Him.

Come to Him like the frightened, stubborn, sinful, broken-hearted children we are and tell Him that we are sorry for the mess we have made in our lives. Then ask Him to please take control. To live inside our hearts and help us one day at a time to become more and more like Jesus.

Me, twenty five summers ago. Offered up my bitterly cold heart that often overflowed in a deluge of darkness.

Home alone, I knelt down by my bed and cried my eyes out, begging the Lord to forgive my many sins and then help me change.

And while it’s been a long road with stumbling and falling into pits on my part, and while I am so absolutely and sinfully imperfect still, He has remained as faithful as that day when I first bent my knee to Him.

And it is only by his healing grace that I am not still hurling poison arrows on a daily basis. Thank you, Lord.

So until the day when another poor wretched soul like me bends her knee to Him, I will wait and pray and choose the better way as best I can.

The best way.

Love.

Even if from a distance for a season.

For love is the only way to secure lasting change.

Love is God and God is our Father.

He is the One who loves all of  us no matter what.

The unloveables made lovely through His grace.

The unforgiven brought close through His blood.

The untouchables embraced with a love stronger than death.

And though another’s arrows wounded me this time, I must be vigilant to remove the log from my own eye every time.

And mindful to keep the teaching of kindness upon my lips. For there are still moments when my own demons get the best of me.

So until that day when He completely transforms me, I will keep falling and getting up. Seeking forgiveness. And then carrying on, asking the Lord’s help to renew my heart.

And it is all about heart.

For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks…

~sheila

Helpful resources when dealing with difficult people {ourselves included}:

Fool-Proofing Your Life by Jan Silvious
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Be Angry but Don’t Blow It! by Lisa Bevere
The Angry Heart by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

 

 

 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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5 thoughts on “When arrows fly…{or how words hurt and the only thing that heals a heart is love}

  1. Sometimes loving others (and ourselves) can be so hard. Thank God He gives us the grace and strength to do it. Sometimes we fail and that’s okay. No need to let satan beat us up over failing. God knows we will fail and He loves us anyway. That’s the beauty of love. It hopes all things, endures all things because God is love.

    • Especially some others and especially ourselves!! Can be a challenge, but like you said…God’s grace will get us to where He wants us to be! Praise God. Thanks and glad to see you back. Trusting you got at least somewhat caught up with all your stuff. 🙂

      • Thanks Sheila!

        I am so thankful for the grace and strength of God. I rely on it. Not sure how anyone makes it without Him.

        I got a great deal done though not everything. Part of that is me being a perfectionist 🙂 God help me!!!

  2. Yes, it is God’s grace that allows us to love, love even those that are not lovable and getting beyond where peace lies. Praise God for loving us when we become filled with defects that keep us from Him.