Maybe your marriage is miserable right now and you’re on a messy merry-go-round and you’re wondering if the brass ring even exists. You keep repeating the same words, actions or choices expecting different results that never come. And you wonder why you can’t change your life or marriage for the better.
I have been there.
Got the battle scars to prove it. And it is only as I became aware of — through repeated marital/relational loss — and then faced the devastating impact of my past on my present that I sought healing. Not blaming those that gave me life, but saying yes to God who set me on a path of progressive freedom, traveling from darkness and pain to light and love.
What about you?
If you are feeling hopeless as you read my words, keep reading. Open your heart, your mind and believe. There is a way out of your mess that while not quick or easy will prove absolutely well worth it. You are worth it. So is your marriage, your children and grands. Like anything else that you will ever attempt in life though, it begins with your choice. Surrendering your will. And if you will set your will in His and work hard at re-learning life and love God’s way you will alter your future and break free of the devastating cycle of destruction that currently plagues you.
Perhaps like me your early years involved lots of chaos and drama. For a long time I underestimated the impact that having had a dad that drank was exerting on my adult life. Maybe it was wishful thinking or denial but I thought I had survived and gotten by okay. I was smart, earned a degree in journalism with honors, married my high school sweetheart, landed a job I loved. For all outward intents and purposes my life, marriage, future, looked bright.
But inside in the secret place where shadows of long ago lingered and often raged, nothing was good. There was much fear and pent up, repressed anger that came out in screaming bursts. Such shame. And the feeling that something was terribly wrong with me and that in having grown up in an alcoholic home I was all alone in all the world.
And you? Are you coming to realize that your parent’s alcoholism — or abuse, anger, addiction, control, mental illness — has far reaching tentacles that are choking your life in this present moment? For no matter how much we pretend, wearing a mask and stuffing the truth, our past catches up with us. We are only as sick as our secrets.
God wants you to come to Him and be healed, set free of all your hidden or not so hidden struggles, sins. And for your marriage, as full of chaos as your unpredictable childhood, to be made good, strong, right. And those coping mechanisms — the ones we used as kids to survive the trauma when all we wanted was parental consistency, security and love — are what we mistakenly think help us today. We are adult children, fearful and controlling, perfectionistic, over or under-achieving, or drowning in our own addictions as we try to numb our pain, reduce our stress, quiet high-level anxiety or overwhelming depression. We struggle and act out in many ways — sexually, financially, relationally — and our lives result in rubble.
No matter how you or I got broken the result is the same. Our adult lives and marriages are tormented and by extrapolation the lives of our children and their children become fractured, rife with a howling ache that demands attention one way or another. Generational cycles perpetuating.
He came that you and me, our spouses, babies and grand babies may have life. And have it abundantly. But first you are invited to commit your life to Jesus Christ who shed His life blood that you might be free, go in peace, sin no more. Forgetting what lies behind because He has glorious plans to make everything and everyone new.
I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14
That verse if for you. And me.
All of us who would hold His hand and bravely face the future, coming to Him on bended knee and seeking help. Believing that He is the God who saves us and makes us whole. A wholeness that comes through increasing holiness, us becoming like God in our thoughts, words, and actions. And choosing to let go the memories we cling to as if our identity depends upon them, those very same horror stories that wake us in the wee hours, the tales that over time still produce tears.
Yet obedience over time brings blessings.
And working together with Him, we also urge you not to receive the grace of God in vain— for He says, “At the acceptable time I listened to you, And on the day of salvation I helped you.” Behold, now is “the acceptable time,” behold, now is “the day of salvation” … in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses … in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God… 2 Corinthians 6: 1-8
The Son longs to make you free so you will be free indeed.
And now is a good time for a new start…
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